Moonlight Sonata
by Lynyrd Lionheart
Summary: Bella's blood called to Edward from the first time they met. What if he didn't reisist that call?
1. Preface

_**Disclaimer: This is for the whole story… I own nothing- it all belongs to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer. I'm just borrowing the characters for a little while**_

_Preface_

I didn't know when it had happened, or why. He had stolen my life, taken away my family, he had made me a monster.

And now he had stolen my heart, as well.

On some mental level, I realized how completely unfair it was. He had turned me into a vampire, he had made me leave behind a mother who needed me and a father I only now realized I would have liked to have gotten to know.

And now he was leaving me as well.

That wasn't acceptable.

"You coward!" I screamed. "You complete and total coward! You feel guilty so you're just going to turn tail and run? You- you… there's not even a word for you!"

He stood there, his back to me. Then he continued to walk.

And that's when I lost it.


	2. Blood

_One. Blood_

'_At that moment, the bell rang loudly, making me jump, and Edward Cullen was out of his seat. Fluidly he rose- he was much taller than I thought- his back to me, and he was out of the door before anyone else was out of their seat.'_

_p. 25 "Twilight" paperback_

I stared after him blankly for a long moment before collecting my books and joining the rest of the class as they were leaving. What had I done to make Edward Cullen so mad? He didn't even _know_ me.

I shook my head in an attempt to forget about him and continued to walk to my locker.

All attempts to forget went down the drain when I got there.

There stood Edward, a marble statue of Adonis, leaning against the lockers next to mine. He watched me approach with unreadable black eyes. My steps slowed as my eyes met his. My mind- which had been planning to just go to gym without stopping to drop off my books- became curiously blank. I was surprised when I found myself next to Edward in front of my locker.

"I came to apologize," he said quietly. His voice was beautiful, musical. "My behaviour in class was unacceptable."

"Uh…" my throat was suddenly very dry- his eyes were dazzling. "No… problem?"

He laughed softly, his eyes never leaving mine.

"Please- let me accompany you to your next class. It's the least I can do."

"Er… o… kay."

I normally would have been mortified by my inarticulate speech, but I was too mesmerized to care about anything but Edward. I was so mesmerized, in fact, that I didn't notice I was being led away from the school until we were in the darkness of the forest that seemed to surround the entire town of Forks.

It was then that I snapped out of my daze.

What the hell- where are we?" I realized too late that that was a dumb question. I decided to ask a different one. "Why are we here?"

"You shouldn't follow strange men to strange places," Edward replied, his voice rather cynical. He looked at me once, his eyes holding odd emotion- sadness? regret? - then he disappeared.

"This is really, _really_ not funny!" I said, beginning to panic. How had he moved so fast?

"You're right," Edward's voice breathed into my ear. "It's not."

I tried to spin around, wanting to demand that he tell me how he had gotten to his new position so quickly, but one of his arms snaked around my waist, pulling me against his hard chest. It took me all of five seconds to realize that struggling against his grip was futile- like trying to bend an iron bar.

"I'm truly sorry about this, Isabella," he whispered, his voice holding genuine regret.

I didn't have long to wonder why he was apologizing when his teeth were in my neck and I could no longer move, much less form coherent thoughts or sentences. The last thing I heard before losing consciousness was someone yelling.

"Edward- NO!!!"

Then, I knew no more.


	3. Awakening

_**A.N: I edited Bella's changing scene because people told me I didn't put enough description into it. I hope this makes it a bit better. I may do some more editing to the story, but probably not until I'm done Midnight Flame and can work on improving all three stories. I hope you like the new and improved:**_

_Two. Awakening_

When I first woke, all I was aware of was pain. It was a searing, burning pain that seemed to have replaced the blood in my veins. I writhed and twisted, hoping to find some reprieve from the pain. When that failed, I did the only other thing I could.

I screamed.

I was aware of two soft voices that tried to calm me, but I paid them no heed and continued to scream.

It felt as if the blood in my veins was boiling, it was bubbling, drying up, only to be replaced by acid that ate me from the inside out. It sent my heart in to rapid palpitations- it moved so fast and hard against my ribs that I was sure it was going to explode.

The day it did was when I screamed the loudest. It was as if it had exploded, then a truck had ran over my chest. The pain, now centered in the area surrounding my heart, caused the rest of me to go numb. I didn't notice when my bladder gave out- not until I smelled the urine that now soaked my clothes. I didn't notice the blood bubbling up in my throat until I was forced to spit it out or drown on it.

What didn't hurt, I could no longer feel.

This seemed to continue for a lifetime, the pain continuing to build and get worse. I was sure I should have been dead long ago- death would have been kinder than this unbearable pain. There was no reprieve- each wave of pain was followed by an even worse one.

I felt my lungs collapse, crumbling as if they were made of tissue paper. I felt it when my tongue- which I had bitten so much that it was mutilated to the point of no longer being recognizable- mended itself.

I felt it when the blood in my throat became a bitter, acidic liquid that made me choke and gag- but nothing came out.

When I was sure that the hell could go on no longer, the pain became even worse. It consumed me- I would have killed myself long before, but I was unable to muster the strength to do anything more than try to scream- try being the operative word. My throat was so scratched and sore that no sound came out. I was weak, tired, and in such unbearable pain that I found myself begging anyone who might be listening to have mercy on me and just finish me off- it would be kinder. No one heard- like my screams, I was unable to make my words heard. I couldn't even get up the energy to writhe anymore. I just lay there, in unbearable pain, unable to do anything but stare at the roof and attempt to scream.

I was too exhausted to even _sleep_.

I felt my throat begin to mend itself, and let my screams be heard once more. The pain was unbearable, consuming, overwhelming…

Non-existent.

It took me a moment to realize that the pain that had been filling my mind for who knows how long had abated. I cautiously moved my toes, clenched my fingers into fists, and slowly sat up.

The pain wasn't just gone- it was as if it had never existed. I had never felt as… _good_… as… _powerful_ as I did at that moment.

It took me all of two seconds to realize that something wasn't quite right with that picture. One did not go from extreme, overbearing pain to feeling perfect in one second.

That's when I felt the thirst that just cemented the feeling of… _wrongness_ in my mind.

I wasn't sure, but I would compare it to having been stuck in a vast, hot desert for days without any water. It was a throat drying, mind consuming _thirst_, and I would have given _anything_ to get rid of it.

"You're up."

My head snapped up to look at the speaker. She reminded me of the Cullen and Hale siblings- she had the same almost painful beauty, the abnormally pale skin, and the tired purple circles under her eyes, which were a dark butterscotch color. She appeared to be in her mid to late twenties.

Thinking of the Cullens made me think of Edward, which made me think of the last thing I remembered before the pain- him attacking me. Suddenly, this kind, motherly looking woman appeared much more sinister.

I was in an unfamiliar room with someone who could possibly wish to see me dead, and that thirst was still burning my throat.

So I panicked.

Panicking means that I ran. Had I been calm, I would have realized I was moving much faster and much more gracefully than any normal human, much less a klutz like me, should be able to move.

As it was I _wasn't_ calm, so I didn't realize any of this. I just wanted to be with Renee back in Phoenix. Boys never lured me into the forest to attack me in Phoenix.

I was down a flight of steps and searching for an exit when someone very big and very strong grabbed me. I fought wildly for freedom- even appeared to be winning- when another large, strong someone came to help the first. I kept struggling, even though I knew it was futile, when the oddest thing happened.

I was overcome with a wave of… _calm_. My struggles ceased and my muscles relaxed. I felt completely relaxed- almost lazy.

"Are you ready to listen?" asked a deep voice.

I nodded, too lazy to speak. The two someones holding me took me into a room nearby and set me onto a squishy sofa before sitting on either side of me- probably in case I panicked again.

Now that I was relaxed, comfortable, and able to think more clearly, I glanced up at the two to see who they were.

I blinked rather stupidly as I looked between the giant figure of Emmett Cullen and the more leonine one of Jasper Hale.

So… I was in the Cullen house. This made me wonder-

"Where's your brother?"

Emmett looked down at me, clearly surprised by my question.

"He's… not here. It's probably for the best, after the way you reacted to Esme."

Esme… so that was the woman's name.

"I'm sorry about that- I panicked."

"It's quite all right, dear," Esme entered the room and smiled kindly at me. "You've been through a lot lately- it's understandable that you would panic."

Esme sat gracefully in a chair to the left of the couch. Alice Cullen danced into the room after her with a grace that couldn't be matched. Rosalie Hale followed her, looking like she should be in a photo shoot, not sitting in a leather chair in a living room- no matter how nice the room was.

"What's going on?" I asked. "Because the last thing I remember was… well… Edward attacking me. And pain- there was lots of pain. How am I still alive? Does Charlie know what happened?" I heard something snap loudly. My head snapped around. "And what was that?"

Alice smiled, laughing softly.

"You'll get used to it, don't worry. It seems strange for the first bit, of course- being able to smell everything, and hear everything, and see everything so much more clearly."

I blinked at her, then realized she was right. I could smell everything; even hear everything- and then I realized what had felt so wrong earlier.

"If I can hear everything, why can't I hear my heart beat?" I asked. "I mean, if my hearing is so good, shouldn't I be able to hear that?"

What seemed like such a simple question to me made everyone else in the room but Rosalie look at each other uneasily. Rosalie just tossed her head and inspected her nails indifferently.

"Perhaps we should wait for Carlisle to answer your questions," replied Esme. "He'll explain everything to you much better than us."

I was about to reply when I heard footsteps approaching the room. I turned my head to the doorway. A moment later a tall blonde man who liked like a model (like everyone else in the house) appeared there. I realized he must be Carlisle. He noticed my eyes on him and gave me a warm smile.

"How are you feeling Isabella?" he asked.

"Confused," I admitted. "I want to know what's happening to me."

Carlisle nodded.

"Of course. What I am about to tell you is very unbelievable, Isabella-"

"Call me Bella."

"Bella. It's very unbelievable, Bella, but I'll need you to bare with me and try to believe, okay?"

I nodded my head slowly in reply, wondering what he could possibly be about to tell me.

"What is the last thing you remember, Bella? About your last day at school."

"I… I remember going to Biology, and I had to sit next to Edward. He was acting… weird, as if I were some sort of bacteria. I wondered what I could have possibly done to make him dislike me so much… then class ended, and he was the first one out. I was confused, but I went to my locker, to put away my books so I could go to gym… and he was there waiting for me… then… I don't remember much, just that we somehow ended up in the forest, and he attacked me, me then everything went black," I shrugged my shoulders helplessly. "It's all kind of jumbled."

Carlisle nodded, his eyes full of understanding.

"That's how it usually is. The pain often confuses you," he sighed. "Bella… Edward attacked you because your blood called to him. It was irresistible to him, so he gave in and… attacked you. Emmett and Alice managed to pull him away before he… killed you, for lack of a better word, but not before the damage had been done."

"Damage, what damage? And what do you mean my blood called to him?" the answer was completely obvious, but so completely unbelievable that I was sure it was wrong.

It wasn't.

"Bella, Edward is a vampire. We all are- and now you are as well. That's the damage that was done. Edward turned you."

"That's why you can't hear your heart beat," added Alice. "Because you no longer have one. You're technically dead."

"But… how can you go out in day light if you're vampires?" I asked, grasping at straws.

Emmett chuckled next to me, a deep rumbling sound.

"That's a myth," he told me. "Sunlight doesn't harm us… we just aren't very inconspicuous in the sun- it's why we live places like Forks where the sun never shines."

"… What else are myths?" I asked, genuinely curious. It also served to distract me.

"Wooden stakes to the heart… garlic… holy water… everything but the drinking blood part," replied Emmett.

"So… no sleeping in wooden coffins either, then?"

This time it was Jasper who laughed and answered.

"No, no wooden coffins. Vampires can't sleep."

I blinked at him. I imagined I looked quite dumb.

"You… don't sleep?"

"_We_ don't sleep," sneered Rosalie. "You're one of too, remember?"

"Oh… yeah…" I didn't know what else to say, so I asked something that had been bothering me. "What do you… we… eat? Because… I'm not exactly big on the idea of killing… humans."

Alice smiled kindly at me.

"Don't worry Bella, we don't feed off people- not unless there's a slip up like… Edward's. We feed from animals."

"Well… that's okay, then."

No one spoke for a long time, then.

"Does Charlie know about any of this?"

Carlisle sighed.

"No, he doesn't. He, as well as the rest of the town, believes that you wandered into the forest and were attacked by a bear," he looked at me sadly. "To be a vampire means cutting off all mortal ties- I'm sorry Bella. You won't be able to see your parents again. We'll have to leave Forks- we can't risk you being seen."

I didn't reply. Instead I buried my head into my hands. Had I still been human, I would have cried.

But I wasn't human.

I squeezed my eyes shut tight as I thought about never seeing Renee, or even Phil, again. I felt my dead heart break, just as I knew hers would. I was surprised to note that I even felt a pang of regret at the thought of never seeing Charlie again. I wished I had tried to get to know him better- but now I would live for eternity knowing that I hadn't.

"Where will I go?" asked at last.

"_We_ will go to Denali in Alaska. There's another coven like ours there. We'll stay with them for a bit until you can control your urges, then we'll go somewhere else. Probably New York or Canada," replied Carlisle.

"You shouldn't have to leave because of me," I argued. A new scent invaded my senses, it was fresh and absolutely amazing, but I pushed it to the back of my mind as I continued to argue with Carlisle. "It's not your fault this happened."

"It's mine- and the least _I _can do is help you learn to deal with it."

Edward had made his entrance.


	4. Hunting

**_Okay, before I begin chapter three, there's a few things I would like to say. One reviewer pointed out that Bella was taking all this _way_ too calmly. I realize this, and I do agree- had I been in Bella's shoes, I would have reacted _way_ different- but this _is_ Bella we're talking about. In _Twilight_, when she was surrounded by those guys in Port Angeles, she didn't panic, and afterwards she acted as if nothing had happened. Bella never reacts how you'd expect, and that's what I tried to portray when writing her reaction. You also have to remember that Jasper was using his powers to manipulate her emotions, which kept her calm. Still, the review gave me a lot of good advice that I'm going to try and take into consideration- I hope this chapter meets your approval._**

_**Enjoy chapter three.**_

_Three. Hunt_

I stared at Edward in silence, half expecting to feel panic rise up as it had when I saw Esme.

To my shock, all I felt was relief that Edward was okay. I also felt surprisingly safe, now that he was here. It was rather ironic- the victim feeling safe around the murderer.

I also vaguely realized that the wonderful smell was coming from him. I was half tempted to ask him what cologne he wore, but then decided that that wouldn't go over too well. Instead I just stared at him, unsure what to do, or what to say.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered, refusing to meet my gaze.

"You've said that already," I said, finally managing to find my voice. "Just before you… turned me…"

Edward winced at my words, and I felt guilt rise up. I hadn't meant to hurt him by reminding him of what had happened. Jasper gave me an odd look, and I merely shrugged, not knowing why he was giving it to me.

"How are you feeling?" Edward asked at last. "I would have stayed… but I didn't think you would react too well if I were the first person you had seen when you woke."

Thinking about my reaction to Esme, I nodded.

"You're probably right," I agreed. Then I changed the subject, because this one was too tense. "What you said before, about teaching me to deal with being a vampire. What did you mean?"

Edward looked at me, his expression startled. I saw with surprise that his eyes were no longer black, but instead a light shad of topaz.

"That's it?" he asked incredulously. "No screaming about how I ruined your life- just _'you're probably right?'_"

I shrugged.

"I could scream and yell all I wanted- but I doubt it would suddenly give me back a pulse. Even if it did, I'd still have to leave- I can hardly show up tomorrow and say 'sorry guys, it was a big misunderstanding- I'm not really dead', can I?" Edward still seemed incredulous, so I continued. "I also think I'm still digesting all this. Give me a while to take it all in, maybe then I'll yell at you. Maybe I'll even blame you for world hunger and child abuse along with the whole making me a vampire thing."

"How can you joke about this?" demanded Edward. "I turned you into a monster- I damned your soul- and you're making jokes."

When he put it that way, it did seem rather callous…

"I can't cry anymore, so I'm sort of trying to find a new way to deal with things. Heavy sarcasm seemed to be the best bet, but I guess it does sound kind of cold, doesn't it?" I sighed and buried my head in my hands. "How does this hunting thing work? 'Cause if I don't get fed soon, I'm liable to go insane from this thirst."

"Perhaps you should take her hunting, Edward," suggested Carlisle. "Teach her to use her speed and strength, and her improved senses."

Edward didn't reply, he merely motioned for me to follow him. His lips were pursed and his brows were furrowed- he obviously didn't approve of my reaction to my situation.

"Why do you want me to be mad?" I asked when we walked outside.

"Because that would be a _normal_ reaction," he replied, looking ahead, his expression stormy. "You were young, healthy- had so much to live for. When Carlisle turned me, I was dying from the Spanish Influenza, I had no reason to be mad. You, however, do."

"I just don't see the point in being mad. I mean, yes I'm a vampire- but at least I'm not… _not_ existing."

"You can never see your family again."

"You're trying to get me to lessen your guilt by being mad at you- it's not going to work. I mean, I'm not _happy_ with you, and I'm still kind of scared," it was true- despite feeling oddly safe with him, he had just bitten me and made me a creature of the night. I wasn't so weird that I wouldn't be a little scared, "but Carlisle said something about my blood being irresistible to you or something," I watched him curiously as a dozen emotions went across his face- too fast for me to recognize- before it became an emotionless mask. "What did he mean?"

"_La Tua Cantante_," he replied, almost as much to himself as to me. "My singer. Your blood called to me, Isabella. It was sweeter than anything I've ever smelled- ever tasted- and I was too weak to resist it."

He stared hard ahead of us, too ashamed to look at me.

"Is that what it's going to be like for me?" I asked at last. "When I go back amongst the… humans?"

I still wasn't used to calling them humans- wasn't used to not being human _myself_.

"It's always hard at first," Edward admitted. "Especially for the first year- that's also how long your eyes will be red-"

"Hold on a moment," I interrupted. "Are you telling me that my eyes are _red_?"

Edward shot me a confused look.

"Yes. Haven't you looked into a mirror since you woke up?" he asked. I shook my head no. "Well, you should once we get back to the house- but you need to feed first. The change always changes your appearance somewhat."

"How so?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"It enhances your natural… perks," replied Edward slowly, almost as if embarrassed. "You can see them somewhat, even without the mirror."

I stopped as Edward continued to walk and looked down to see what he meant. Had I been able to, I would have blushed when I realized that my shirt was rather tight in the chest area, and my pants- which had been kind of snug before- were now a bit lose on my slimmer waist.

I muttered to myself about perverted know it all vampires as I jogged to catch up with Edward. His lips were slightly quirked at the corners, but I was in no mood to appreciate the fact that I had managed to cheer him up somewhat. I was far too embarrassed.

"This hunting thing," I said, my voice a low growl. "How does it work?"

Whatever amusement I had given Edward disappeared when I spoke those words, and he became guilt-ridden and ashamed again.

"You find an animal, you kill it, you drain it," Edward replied shortly.

I gave a low growl in the back of my throat and grabbed his arm, holding tight so that he had to stop. He turned around slowly to look at me.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"You," I replied angrily. "You're acting all tortured and guilty and it's really, really getting on my nerves. Why are you taking this whole situation so badly?"

"One of us has to, and it's obviously not going to be you," replied Edward, just as angry as I was. "How can you bee so calm and cool about this? Do you not realize that you'll _never_ see your family again? You parents- they're as dead to you as you are to them. You can never let anyone know what you are- you'll spend eternity fighting the thirst. How can you be so calm when I just ruined your life? How can you not be mad at me? How can you not hate me?!"

By the end of his speech, Edward was breathing hard as he glared straight into my eyes. That got me curious about something, and I just had to ask him, even though I knew it probably wasn't the best time.

"Do vampires have to breathe to survive?"

Edward gave a loud sound (somewhere between a grunt and a groan) in annoyance, spinning on his heel to continue into the forest.

"Okay- maybe that wasn't the best question to ask," I stated, jogging to catch up to him once more. He didn't reply. "As for why I don't hate you… I don't really know. Maybe I just feel that you're hating yourself enough for the both of us right now, or maybe I just realize that you couldn't resist. I… I just don't know."

Edward looked at me from the corner of his eye and I shrugged at him helplessly.

"This whole situation is really messed up," I told him. "And you're right- I won't be able to see my family again. I have to start over all over again, Edward- and I need you to get over this guilty conscience of yours, because I'll need your help to make it through this. So please, could you for just one second forget about your whole guilt-ridden tortured soul thing and teach me how to hunt?"

Edward didn't answer at first, and I thought he was just going to ignore me. Then he nodded.

"Okay, I'll help," then he looked at me with an odd expression. "Although… I'm not a 'guilt-ridden tortured soul'. I feel bad- guilty- for what I did to you. Wouldn't you, if the positions were reversed?"

I had to admit, I could see his point, but I didn't really want to get philosophical and talk about what-ifs, so I changed the subject.

"You never answered my question."

"What question?"

"Do vampires have to breathe to survive?"

Edward gave me a _'you must be kidding me look'_ which I replied to by glaring.

"I'm really curious- do we?"

Edward gave a sigh.

"No, we don't have to breathe to survive. It just gets kind of uncomfortable- holding your breath all the time. And before you ask- we can eat human food, but we have to regurgitate it later since our digestive systems don't work."

I wrinkled my nose in disgust.

"Thanks for _that_ mental picture."

Edward just gave me a crooked grin.

I decided that I wanted to see him smile more often.

"Okay," I whispered to Edward as we crouched behind some trees, watching a herd of deer graze in a clearing. Even as I spoke, I didn't remove my eyes from the deer. I could smell the most delicious thing I had ever smelled- it made my mouth water, which I found odd as I no longer had saliva. I made a mental note to ask someone about it later. "Now what?"

"You pick which one you want to target, then you pounce," replied Edward. "Break it's neck first, and then drink from it," he must have noticed my grossed out look, because he then added. "I know it's not the most appetizing thought, but it _will_ get rid of the thirst."

I decided that if it would get rid of the burning that still consumed my throat, I'd do it. Plus, that smell was almost overwhelming.

"Okay. Here goes hunting attempt number one," I muttered.

Then I pounced on the deer nearest to me.

I had thought my first attempt at hunting would be a complete failure, but, to my surprise, it wasn't. As soon as I moved from the bush, it was as if instinct took over. One moment I was leaping up, the next I was hungrily drinking the deer's blood. Once I was finished, I tossed the carcass aside and took off in the direction of another one of the animals, my thirst still not quenched. I followed the scent of the deer's blood, running at a speed I had never reached before, not even when driving a vehicle. It took me all of thirty seconds to catch the terrified animal and tear into it's throat.

It was as I was finishing this deer that Edward caught up with me- along with the return of my mind, which had been acting on pure instinct until that point.

"I can see how you could feel guilty about this," I told Edward as he came through the trees to my left. "This is pretty gross… and really gory," I motioned at my clothes, which were splattered in blood. "And I liked this shirt."

Edward raised an eyebrow at me, then shook his head.

"I don't know what to expect from you," he told me. "Everyone else, I know what move they'll make before they make it, but you… it's like trying to read a book from behind a brick wall."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You have to get rid of the carcasses. I disposed of the last one, and I'll show you what to do with this one so you know what to do next time," he told me. "As for your question- did Carlisle not tell you about the special abilities some of us have?"

I shook my head, my curiosity piqued.

"Well, he has this theory that- when you're turned- you bring something of your strongest personality traits over to your… _un_-life. He believes that I must have been excellent at reading people when I was still alive, because now I can read minds. A-"

"What?" I squeaked, cutting him off. I didn't like the idea that he could know my every thought.

"I told you earlier, I can't read you, Bella. When I try to, it's as if there's nothing there."

I didn't exactly like that he was, sort of, calling me empty-headed, but I decided that it was better than having my thoughts invaded.

"Okay… continue then."

Edward looked ready to argue with me about the command, then seemed to decide against it.

"Alice must have had some sort of foresight in her life, because she can see the future now. Only glimpses, but enough to be helpful- and she _sees_ more about vampires than humans. Jasper, he has an… odd gift. In life he was very charismatic and persuasive, so now he has the ability to manipulate the emotions of those around them. You know, calm someone down, or rile them up. He can also feel what others are feeling."

"That explains a lot," I muttered. Edward shot me a speculative glance, so I explained. "When I first…woke up, I saw Esme and, well… I panicked. I was looking for an exit when Emmett and Jasper restrained me, then I suddenly felt calm. Jasper must have been using his gift."

It also explained why he had looked at me so odd when I had felt guilty for making Edward feel guilty earlier, but I decided not to mention that.

"What about the others?" I asked instead.

"Well, Emmett brought is strength, Carlisle his compassion, Esme her ability to love passionately, and Rosalie her... stubbornness."

I had a feeling that he had been about to say something different for Rosalie, but decided not to question him.

"What do you think I brought?" I asked. "I mean… my strongest personality trait was being a klutz, and I'm obviously not clumsy anymore," I spun around to prove my point. "So, what could I have brought?"

"I have no clue," replied Edward. "I don't really know you that well," he sighed. "Perhaps if I had, things would have turned out differently."

"Oh no- we have an agreement, remember?" I demanded. "No more tortured soul. You were doing so well, don't lapse on me now."

I had a feeling that Edward's smile came to his lips against his will, but I didn't care. At least he wasn't wallowing in guilt anymore.

"Okay," he agreed. "No more… _tortured soul_," he mocked my voice.

"That sounded nothing like me," I told him. "You should work on your impressions. Now- which way is the house?"

"It's this way. I'll show you."

He offered me his hand, and I took it without a second thought. He seemed slightly surprised that I would trust him so readily after everything that had happened. I was too, but I didn't want to try and figure out what it was about Edward Cullen that drew me in.

I'd hate to find out, only to dislike the answer.

Tossing my thoughts aside, I let Edward lead me back to the house, making my first baby steps to letting go of my old life and beginning my new one.


	5. Conversation

**_A/N: Music truly does serve as a wonderful inspiration, doesn't it? I've been listening to Three Days Grace and the ideas just keep coming- I've never been able to update stories this often. Anyways, enough rambling. I'm trying to incorporate some of the other characters into it, and this chapter has my Jasper. He's been included, but Jasper isn't a character that Stephenie has given a whole lot of depth yet, so I'll be taking some artistic licence. I hope you like it._**

_Four. Conversation_

The first thing I did when we reached the house was look in the mirror in the entrance hall. I stared at the image I saw reflecting back at me.

"That isn't me, is it?" I asked, shocked.

Edward came to stand behind me and gave that crooked little grin that I was growing so fond of.

"You don't actually look that different," he told me.

I scowled darkly at him, and he looked at me in confusion.

"What? Did I say something wrong?" he asked.

"That was a really crappy joke," I told him bluntly. "I know I'm not the prettiest girl around, but still… that was just… _mean_."

I didn't notice Edward gaping at me as I inspected my reflection.

My long brown hair was smooth and glossy. Any blemishes on my skin, which was now even paler than I had been before, had disappeared. My lips were fuller and my cheekbones were higher. As I had noticed before, my chest was larger and waist trimmer. The only thing I didn't like was my eyes- a vibrant, almost sinister looking, crimson.

In one word, I was beautiful. Not Rosalie, but still beautiful.

As I inspected me reflection, Edward finally got his voice back.

"You didn't think you were _pretty_?" he asked, his voice strangled and incredulous. I rolled my eyes.

"I wasn't exactly the most sought after female on the date market, no," I replied. "I was average- what's the big deal, anyways? Why are you shaking your head at me?"

To my surprise, Edward laughed. I liked his laugh. It was heartfelt and musical.

"Bella, do you know what every male at the school was thinking when they first saw you?" he asked.

"No," I replied sourly. "But I'm willing to bet you do."

"I do- and they all thought you were ah… I believe the word most commonly used was 'hot'. You were lovely as a human, and you're beautiful as a vampire."

Had I still been human, I would have been redder than a tomato. As it was, I refused to meet Edwards eyes, and instead turned my own down to my clothes which were still covered in the deer blood.

"I need clothes," I sighed.

"Excellent!" Alice laughed, dancing up to me and Edward. "I love to shop- this will be so much fun!"

I stared at Alice in horror. I heard Edward chuckle darkly behind me, so I turned a furious gaze to him.

"That sounded like a tortured soul chuckle," I told him sourly. "So you'd better tell me what's making you feel that way."

"You're reaction to the thought of going shopping. That's how a _normal_ person would react to finding out about being one of the eternal damned. Instead, you're all calm and collected about that, while you're horrified at the thought of _shopping_."

My scowl darkened, and I turned to Alice.

"If you're going to be forcing me to shop in the near future- he," I pointed at Edward, "has to come to carry the bags. Someone has to watch him to make sure he keeps his promise!"

Alice cocked her head at us.

"What promise?" she asked.

"Nothing," replied Edward quickly.

"No, it's not '_nothing'_," I told him before looking back at Alice. "I made him promise to stop acting like such a guilt-ridden tortured soul and to help me learn to deal with being a vampire and all that instead. He keeps on lapsing and turning all dark and broody."

Alice laughed- it sounded like the tinkling of wind chimes.

"Well, you'll have to make sure he keeps that promise. For now you should come with me. We'll see if Rosalie or Esme have anything that will fit you," she glared at Edward as she ushered me up the steps. "Next time- you should show her how to keep the blood off her clothes."

She didn't give Edward time to reply before she was dragging me up the steps at full speed. I discovered that, though it wasn't anywhere near as bad as before, I could still have bouts of clumsiness. I nearly fell twice as Alice dragged me at full speed up the steps and down the hall to a room that must have been hers.

"Wait here, I'll be back in two minutes."

I felt kind of dumb just sitting there, staring at the door through which Alice had just left. I twiddled my thumbs and looked around the room curiously as I waited for Alice to come back. It was painted a sunny yellow with plush cream carpet. The bed I sat on was made from a dark wood and was King size. Looking around, I had a strong suspicion that Jasper had very little say in how the room was decorated- it practically screamed Alice.

"Alice are you in he- oh, hello Bella."

Speak of the Devil and he will appear.

"Hi Jasper," I replied. "Alice should be back soon- she was just going to find me some clean clothes," I motioned to the ones I still wore.

Jasper slowly entered the room, and I once again felt the wave of calm. I simply smiled at him.

"You don't have to keep me calm," I told him.

"Edward told you about that, then," it was more a statement than a question. "Well, I thought it be better safe than sorry."

"I think I'm over my original state of panic," I rested my chin on my hand thoughtfully. "Why did Emmett and Alice stop Edward?"

Jasper looked surprised at the sudden change of subject, and I shrugged at him.

"I could hardly ask Edward- I'm trying to get him to _stop_ being so angsty, and I didn't really have time to ask Alice before she dragged me here then ran off to find clothes so," I shrugged again. "You're kind of the first person I've been able to ask."

"You could have asked Carlisle earlier," Jasper pointed out, leaning against the wall next to the door.

My reply was to scowl at him.

"It wasn't really on the top of my things to ask list," I muttered. "I was still sort of in shock- it's not every day you're told that you're a… a vampire."

"Still trying to get used to it?" Jasper asked, his lips twisted into a slightly bitter smile.

"It's different- the closest I ever came to being a vampire was when I was obsessed with _Interview With The Vampire_ and dressed up as one for Halloween. Now I'm finding out that all the things I thought I knew are myths- it's almost disappointing. Can you answer the question?"

Jasper laughed and shook his head.

"Bossy little thing, aren't you? Emmett and Alice stopped Edward because they knew that- no matter how… _angsty_ he is after turning you- it would be a hundred times worse had you truly died."

"That makes sense I suppose," I murmured thoughtfully. I looked up at Jasper again. "So… did Alice have a vision? Is that how they knew where to find us?"

Jasper nodded.

"Yes- and we could smell your blood. That's why I didn't come, they would have just had to fight me off as well as Edward," I must have looked at him oddly, because he then explained himself. "I used to belong to a coven that was… less than civilized. They had very different feeding habits than I do now. It's still hard, even now, to resist the call of human blood."

"Well, at least I won't be the only one," I muttered, some bitterness sneaking into my voice. Jasper cocked his head at me with a slight frown.

"You're very good at hiding it- _very_ good- but you're not as alright with this as you like to pretend, are you?" he asked.

"I won't like the whole you being able to feel my emotions thing, will I?" I replied.

"Probably not- and you're avoiding the question."

"I am," I agreed. "I'm not big on the whole 'sharing your feelings' thing, and I doubt I ever will be."

"Edward's a good man, Bella. He screwed up when he attacked you, but that doesn't make him a monster. He's truly sorry- please don't be so mad at him, and don't tell me you aren't, because I can feel your anger and bitterness."

"I'm not angry with Edward," I told him. "I do feel a little bitter towards him- I probably will for a while- but I'm not angry with him, I don't even really dislike him, and I have every right to hate him."

"Then who _are_ you mad at?"

"Me," I replied shortly. _I_ had been the one to, taking a quote from Edward, _follow a strange man to a strange place_. He hadn't made me- but I had been too stupid and dazzled to question anything he had done.

No, my anger was directed entirely to myself.

Alice chose that moment to return to the room, and I couldn't help but think that there really must be a God. I had been getting uncomfortable with the conversation with Jasper- I hadn't been lying when I told him I was uncomfortable sharing my feelings- and felt that even being Alice's Barbie doll had to be better.

Jasper must have felt my relief, because he raised his eyebrow at me and gave an almost mocking smirk.

"When you're done dressing up Bella, Carlisle wants to talk to you in his study," he told Alice. "And Emmett and I are going hunting. We figured that if we're going to be working with Bella on her control, we should have ours well in hand."

"I'll see you when you get back," Alice said, jumping up to give him a quick kiss. Jasper returned, then turned to exit the room. Before he left the room, he spoke to me again.

"I look forward to continuing our conversation, Bella. It's very… _interesting_, don't you think?"

He left as I muttered after him darkly:

"Don't count on it."

I heard his laughter even as he reached the steps, while Alice looked at me curiously.

"Don't ask," I told her. "Just know that I find your boyfriend… annoying? Yes, that's the right word- annoying."

"Husband," Alice corrected. "Emmett and Rose are married as well, as are Carlisle and Esme- and there are times when Emmett would agree with you about Jasper. Now, take a look at these outfits, I think they'll suit you."

I looked at the clothes she was showing me- Prada, Gucci- all name brands, all worth more than the truck Charlie had bought me.

I began to wish I was still talking with Jasper.


	6. How To Deal

**_A/N: I had a reviewer ask if this story was going to follow the events of Twilight. I won't give away and plot secrets, but I will say that Bella won't be going to Port Angeles- at least not under the same circumstances as the book. The place is simply too close to Forks for her to be able to walk around freely. She _is_ supposed to be dead, after all. Another review also asked whether Edward and Bella will hate or love each other. To that I can only say- keep reading and see! Rosalie may be OOC this chapter, but that's because the situation is different from that of Twilight, so her feelings about everything would be different too (at least I think they would.)_**

_**Without further ado, here is:**_

_Five. How To Deal_

I had never enjoyed being plucked and primped. I wasn't a tom boy- I liked feminine clothing- but I was no lover of shopping and make up.

Sadly, Alice was.

It took me exactly two hours, three attempts to escape, and a whole lot of whining to get away from her after she had begun to dress me up. I had to admit, despite the scowl I was still directing at her, Alice had actually done a good job.

It had taken me half an hour to convince her that putting me in a mini skirt and high heels wasn't going to work. We had managed to find a compromise in the form of a pair of low rise blue jean capris that belonged to Rosalie. They looked more like jeans on me since Rosalie had me beat by a good four inches, if not more, in the height department. Over top of that I wore a simple red tank top, also Rosalie's. I wore my own shoes, which hadn't been harmed during my hunt. She had also curled my dark brown hair slightly and put some mascara, eye liner, and red lip stick on me. My new and improved looks didn't require anything else.

"We'll have to get shopping soon," Alice told me with a sigh. Her feelings about my appearance obviously didn't match mine. "But this will have to do for now."

I wanted to argue, but knew it would be a futile- and rather stupid- effort. I _did_ need new clothes- not only could I _not_ get my own, but even if I could, the wouldn't fit me- I couldn't mooch off of Rosalie forever.

"Well- I guess that's it for now. You can head down to the living room, if you want. I have to go talk to Carlisle."

I had forgotten about what Jasper had told her.

"Okay- I'll see you in a bit," I replied.

Alice smiled at me and gave me a tight hug.

"Welcome to the family, Bella."

Then she was gone, and I was left to stare after the pixie-like vampires in bemusement. _Welcome to the family_… I wasn't sure if I _wanted_ to be a member of the Cullen family. They all seemed nice- and I could probably have gotten along well with them, under different circumstances, but…

I felt it would be best if, after I learned control, I left to make my own way. Then Edward would have nothing to remind him of his mistake, and I wouldn't have to wonder why I didn't hate him- like a _normal_ person would.

Shaking the thoughts out of my head, I exited the room and wandered down the steps and into the room where I had discovered I was a vampire. The room's only other occupant was Rosalie, who was watching what appeared to be _The_ _Notebook_ on the large plasma screen.

"Uh… hi," I said. Rosalie looked up at me, but didn't reply. I didn't really know what to do, so I sat in a chair and stared at the television, not really taking anything in.

"How are you holding up?"

I looked at Rosalie in surprise, but she was still looking at the TV. The only sign that she had actually spoken was a quick flickering of her eyes towards me, almost too quick to notice.

"I'm… good, I suppose. I mean, it's a lot to take in… but- I'm doing okay."

Rosalie nodded thoughtfully.

"Alice feels guilty, you know."

I blinked at her.

"Alice? Why would she feel guilty- she didn't attack me."

"She thinks she should have seen it sooner. Of course, she's also exuberant to have someone to play dress-up with. Esme and I would never let her."

I muttered something incoherent under my breath, my expression darkening slightly. Rosalie laughed lightly at me.

"Let her have her fun, Isabella. It's not every day we get someone new to the family," she noticed my expression, and turned thoughtful once more. "Except… you're not sure you want to be, are you? A member of our family."

I shrugged uncomfortably. What was with this family and wanting to talk about feelings? I had been sure Rosalie would be the least likely to question me.

"Well… it's up to you. But at least let us teach you control. It wouldn't be good if we let you leave, and you ended up killing someone innocent."

"No it wouldn't…" I trailed off, then continued on a different subject. "Why are you all so nice to me? Shouldn't you be mad? I mean, it's my fault that you're all going to uproot and leave."

"It's Edward's fault- he's the one that couldn't control himself," Rosalie's face twisted in anger as she spoke of her brother. "You, you were a victim."

"I-" I didn't know what to say. Part of me wanted to defend Edward- but I didn't know how. Technically, Rosalie was right. It _was_ Edward's fault.

I didn't want to analyze what it meant that I wanted to defend my murderer for killing me, so I turned back to the TV. Rosalie and I sat watching the movie in silence. Neither of us moved until the end. That's when Edward entered the room. Rosalie glanced up at him and gave an ugly scowl, picking herself gracefully up from the sofa and pushing past him to exit.

I noticed Edward winced, and I wondered what Rosalie had been thinking.

"Are you okay?" I asked him, watching him closely as he sat down and began to channel surf. He paused on a sports show on ESPN and turned his head to look at me.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that? After all, I'm not the one that just became one of the-"

"Eternally damned," I interrupted dryly. "If you continue like that, you may successfully get me to hate you."

"Maybe that's what I want," Edward replied darkly.

"You're breaking your promise," was all I said, before I snatched the remote from him and continued to surf through the channels. I finally stopped when I found one of my guilty little pleasures.

"Anime?" Edward asked, his voice sounding almost choked.

"Yes," I shot back. "I happen to like anime, and _Inuyasha_ _happens_ to be my favourite- you don't get to complain. You killed me. Now shush, Naraku and Sesshoumaru are about to start exchanging death threats."

I turned my attention to the cartoon, pointedly ignoring Edward's gaze, which was boring a hole into my head. It wasn't until Naraku was trying to consume Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha had entered the picture that I couldn't ignore him anymore.

"Could you stop staring, please?" I asked. "It's kind of annoying."

"You read Jane Austen and Shakespeare," he began, ignoring the question. "You're obviously very intelligent- and your favourite show is an _anime_ called _Inuyasha_?" He was clearly disbelieving. "You _are_ an enigma."

"_Inuyasha_ is just my favourite anime," I corrected. "My favourite show is _House_. And how do you know what books I read?"

Edward didn't reply. Instead he pretended to be enthralled with the show as Sesshoumaru began to lose control of his demon and Naraku made his escape. I picked up a pillow and through it at his head, which it hit with a dull _thump_. He turned topaz eyes to me warily.

"_Well_?" I demanded.

"I _may_ have snuck into your house after I turned you… I guess to try and deal with the guilt. I noticed your complete works of Jane Austen, and a copy of _Taming of the Shrew _and _Romeo and Juliet_."

"You snuck into my room?" I repeated dully, then I turned my attention back to the television. "You are complete masochist, aren't you?"

"No… I just wanted to know a bit more about you," he defended.

"And what was the point of that?"

"… I'm a complete and total masochist."

"Well, the first step is admitting you have a problem. Now, not only do you have to get rid of the angst, but also the masochism," I told him lightly.

"How can you take this so well? You should be mad- not only did I damn you, I also invaded her personal property."

"I'm not normal- and I'll only be angry if you keep talking while Sesshoumaru is trying to decide whether or not he should spare Kohaku when he tried to kill Rin."

I felt Edward continue to stare at me, and I could practically taste his incredulousness as I motioned for him to stay silent when he began to speak so I could listen to the ending theme- _Song of Truth_- a song that was entirely in Japanese, which I didn't understand a word of. I just liked the tune of the song.

"You are so…" Edward didn't seem to be able to find a word he felt described me.

"Weird?" I offered. "Odd… stop me if I'm getting close."

"I don't understand you," he said at last. "You take all this so… calmly- it's almost as if you don't _care_ that you pretty much lost everyone you care about."

I lifted up the remote and shut off the television, before turning to look at Edward as fiercely as I could.

"Do you think I won't miss my mom?" I demanded. "She's my best friend- I'll always miss her. I'll miss Charlie, too. He's my father, and I didn't have the chance to _really_ get to know him. I'll regret that, yes- but what's the point in regretting my existence for all of eternity? I'm dealing the best way I can- I don't go over board on the emotions, I don't kick and scream about how _I don't wanna_. It's just _not who I am_," I paused for a moment to see if my words were getting through to him. His face was unreadable. "I'm dealing with this the way I deal with it. Besides, you seem to be mad enough at yourself for the both of us. I'm trying to deal with it. It would help if you would as well."

I stood up and left the room- the first time in my… life, for lack of a better word, that I had been able to make a dramatic exit without falling. Edward sat in the same position, perfectly still, for a long while, staring at the blank TV screen as if it held all the answers he was looking for.

I know because I watched.


	7. Control

**_A/N: Dancing around like a maniac Twenty-one reviews, last chapter got twenty-one reviews, woo-hoo, woo-hoo!! Anyways, now that that's out of my system, I would like to _thank_ everyone who reviewed. That's the most I've gotten for a chapter so far. Now, these next two or three chapters are sort of fillers until they get to Alaska- although next chapter will have an important plot point. Chapter eight in particular is going to serve to speed up the plot a bit (I wanted to be in Alaska by now, but the characters had other ideas). So, I will bother you no more. Please enjoy:_**

_Six. Control_

I left Edward to his thoughts after I had watched him sit for about half an hour, maybe even more. He had a lot to think about. My words had seemed to strike a chord with him- at least, I hope they did. But I couldn't waste my time away watching Edward, no matter how nice he was to look at.

I had my own problems to deal with.

Primarily being a new vampire who couldn't be trusted amongst humans- and there weren't exactly a lot of places that didn't have humans.

I thought the best person to talk to would be Carlisle. It was quite obvious that he was the leader- the father figure to the younger vampires (except Esme- that would be wrong). Yes, Carlisle would be my best option.

Except I had no clue where he was.

I thought about trying to sniff my way to him, but I tossed aside that idea when I realized that the only scents I had stored away to this point were the smell of blood and Edward's. I decided to remedy that as soon as possible and began to search for the Carlisle the old fashioned way.

I snooped.

The first room I walked into was the kitchen. I stood in the doorway to the sparkling clean room for a while, wondering idly why on earth a family of vampires needed a stainless steal stove/oven with a matching fridge. A completely bare island ran down the center of the room with a dish washer attached to its side. The place looked as though it belonged on a cooking show.

Either that, or as if it had never been used.

I guessed the latter.

Shaking my head to get rid of the random and rather useless thoughts the kitchen inspired, I continued through a dining room. I didn't stop here- just in case it inspired the same thoughts. Instead I continued to the broad staircase. Testing out my new-found grace, I ran up them two at a time.

My toe caught on the top step.

Even as a vampire, I couldn't completely lose the klutziness. I cursed, more from frustration than pain- I didn't feel any in my foot, which I put under the pro column of being a vampire.

For someone as prone to accidents as I was, no pain was always a good thing.

Hopping to my feet, I shot the evil staircase one more glare before continuing down the hall. The first door I went to was on the left of the hallway. I held up my hand nervously and knocked.

No answer.

It took me a while to realize that it was Alice and Jasper's room. I felt like a complete idiot and couldn't help but be relieved that no one had been around to see me make such a dumb mistake.

My relief came too quickly.

"Is something the matter?"

I spun around to see Rosalie standing behind me, an eyebrow raised. Her topaz eyes glittered with unrestrained amusement. Had I been human, I would have looked like a walking tomato.

"Didn't you hear me coming?" she asked me, the amusement now clouding her voice.

"Uh… I'm still new at this?" I replied sheepishly. Rosalie just shook her head.

"Who are you looking for?" she asked.

"Oh… uh, I was hoping to talk to Carlisle," I replied.

"That's the third door, there on the right. Alice just left about five minutes ago, so he should be free. Why isn't _Edward_ with you?" I noticed the venom she put behind Edward's name, and I couldn't help but feel it was my fault that Rosalie was so mad at her brother. After all, it had been _me_ that he had… turned…

"Last time I saw him I kind of… lost my temper? I left him to think in the living room," I gave a shrug. "He was still on the couch when I last looked in there."

Rosalie gave me a sly look, half way between amused and knowing.

"You gave him a tongue lashing, didn't you?"

I shrugged again.

"He deserves it, you know. What he did was wrong, and you're letting him off too easy. Were I you, I would be mad."

That made me realize how different Rosalie and I were. She was telling the truth when she said she would have let Edward have it. I, on the other hand, didn't see the point in that. What was done is done and I needed Edward to _help_ me- not beat himself up.

"Edward tells me the same thing," I told her with a sigh. "I just… I'm _not_ that angry- not at him. Everyone has instincts and he's only… human isn't the accurate, I suppose, but it's the closest I can come."

Rosalie looked at me in silence, her face expressionless.

"I don't get you," she said at last.

"Half the time _I_ don't get me," I looked at the door she had pointed out to me, Carlisle's office. "I should probably talk to Carlisle now."

Rosalie didn't say anything, just gave me an inscrutable look and entered her room, shutting the door behind her. I had a feeling I truly had confused her.

That was okay. I didn't entirely understand Rosalie, either.

Shaking the thoughts out of my head, I approached Carlisle's door and knocked on it. I fidgeted nervously, waiting for the answer to come.

"Come in Bella."

I made a face mentally- of course he would know it was me. I opened the door and stepped into the room. Carlisle sat behind a large oak desk. Three of the walls were covered in book shelves filled with books. Had it been any other time, under any other circumstance, I would have been positive I had died and gone to heaven.

Well, I _had _died- I just didn't go to heaven.

"Was there something you were wanting, Bella?" Carlisle asked, drawing my attention away from my un-ladylike gawking at the walls.

"Uh… oh, yeah," I gave myself a mental shake and started again. "I was wondering when I was going to start working on my… control. It's just, the sooner I can keep my instincts in check the better, right?"

Carlisle rested his cheek on his hand and surveyed me closely.

"Do you plan on staying with us once this all said and done, Bella?" he asked. I wondered if Renee had been right and I _was_ like an open book, because both Carlisle and Rosalie had realized my uncertainty about my future.

"I don't know," I told him honestly. "But Rosalie pointed out that I should at least let you teach me control before I run off to be on my own."

"Rosalie is right," agreed Carlisle. "Though I do hope you realize you will always be welcome with us."

I gave him a weak smile. I suppose with a mind-reader, an empath, and someone who could see the future in the family that the Cullen clan would have no choice but to be open and keep no secrets- but that wasn't me. I was a private person, I had never even been really open with my _own_ parents. As nice as the Cullens seemed, I wasn't sure I wanted to be part of such a unified group.

The thought made me uncomfortable.

"Can we work on control first and talk living arrangements later?" I asked, wincing as I realized how rude it sounded.

Carlisle seemed to understand.

"I'll be handing in my resignation tomorrow- everyone will think we've moved to L.A. We'll leave in two weeks, as that's how much notice I have to give, and head to Denali. You'll go on daily hunting trips until we leave and once we get there. In Denali, we'll try letting you out amongst humans for short periods of time- slowly get you used to the scent and blood lust," his eyes were full of pity and compassion as he looked at me. "It will be very difficult, Isabella. I hope that you will choose to continue with our way of life, though none of us would blame you if you chose… not to."

I realized with shock that he was saying that if I chose to live off humans, he wouldn't stop me. I felt grateful that he would be so understanding, even as I felt disgusted at the thought of drinking the blood of a human.

Animals were one thing- I'd lived off them my entire life, just in a different fashion- but the thought of feeding off a human made me feel nauseous, and as if it would make me a cannibal.

I might as well go to the asylum and be called Hannibal Lector if I chose _that_ path.

"I think I'll stick with your way," I told him. Carlisle gave me a small, sad smile.

"I hope you keep that view, Bella, I truly do."

"Is it really that hard?" I asked him.

"It is. Bella, when I discovered what I had become, I tried my hardest to destroy myself. My last attempt was starvation; I even isolated myself from humans to resist temptation. It was only when I lost my mind from the thirst and attacked a herd of deer that I discovered I could live off of alternative means. It took me nearly two hundred years to perfect my control to the point where I could actively practice medicine. It is no easy challenge."

_Carlisle brought his compassion._

I recalled Edward's words about the trait that had been strengthened in Carlisle- compassion.

It was then that I realized this would be no walk in the park. If someone as compassionate as Edward claimed Carlisle was needed two hundred years to become impervious to the smell of human blood, then someone like me- essentially selfish and weak like all teenagers tended to be- would have to work double hard to control the lust.

"I'm going to do this," I told Carlisle, determined. "I _have_ to do this. I won't take human lives because I feel a bit _thirsty_. I'll do this."

Carlisle offered me a smile.

"I know you will."


	8. Power

_**A/N: Okay, so I was planning out the rest of the story last night and there should be at least 17 chapters. Probably more because the characters always get their way- and it's rarely the way I want it to be. After all, they were supposed to be in Alaska two chapters ago, and they aren't going to get there until chapter 9 (hopefully). This is the long awaited chapter in which Bella discovers her power. Enjoy: **_

_Seven. Power_

Leaving Carlisle's office with a new sense of determination and purpose, I strode down the steps, managing to just side step Edward who was going in the direction from which I had just come. I paused for a moment, then turned around and grabbed his arm as he continued on his way, lost in thought.

"What?" he looked at me curiously.

"You're coming with me," I told him, pulling him down the steps. He let me, a bemused look on his face.

"And where are we going?" he asked when I didn't offer any more information.

"To work on my control," I replied simply. "If I can't control my lust for animal blood, how am I ever going to resist human blood?"

"Bella, you've been awake for a total of maybe five or six hours-"

_'Eight and a half,'_ I thought, wanting to prove him wrong, but deciding that it wasn't worth it.

"Okay then- eight and half, sorry. Now's not the time to worry about control you sho- what's wrong?"

"I never said it was eight and a half hours," I told him.

"What are you talking about? I heard you Bella, it was quite clear. You said 'eight and a half'."

"No I didn't," I replied. "At least not out loud. I thought you said you _couldn't_ read my mind."

"I can't!" replied Edward.

_'Liar!' _I thought at him.

"I am not a liar- and your lips didn't move, did they?" He grinned. "Hey! I can hear your thoughts- and I am not a stupid know-it-all vampire!"

I glared, wishing with all my heart that I was still a brick wall to him.

_'It's bad enough Jasper can read my emotions and Alice see my future, now I'm going to have an angsty vampire reading my thoughts.'_

"How are you doing that?" Edward asked.

"Doing what?" I replied.

"Making your mind go so blank- how can you not be _thinking_?"

I stared at him in confusion.

"But I am thinking," I replied. "I was just thinking about how much I'm going to dislike having an empathy, a telepath, and a seer around."

"I didn't hear anything," Edward looked confused for a split second before enlightenment lit his eyes. "Bella- I think we've found your power!"

"What?" I asked incredulously.

"Your power, like my mind reading and Jasper's empathy and everything- I think you control whether or not other people's powers work on you!"

"Really?" Suddenly a whole new world was before me- one without Jasper being able to use his evil powers of empathy on me.

It was _wonderful_.

"We totally have to go to Alice to test it!" I squealed. I hugged Edward impulsively, but was too excited to be embarrassed about it. "This is so cool! I have a power!"

"What about working on your control?" Edward asked wryly.

I stopped my gleeful dancing to glare at the party-pooper.

"Way to put a damper on my good mood… I guess we should work on that. The powers will be here later-"

"So will the chance to work on your control," Edward pointed out. "C'mon, I was just joking. Let's go to Alice- and I promise I'll go out hunting with you tomorrow to let you test your restraint to your heart's content. It's the lea-"

I leapt up and clamped my hand over his mouth.

"Do _not_ finish that sentence," I told him. Then I released his mouth and grabbed his hand. "Thanks Edward. Now, let's go find Alice."

Edward didn't answer, just squeezed my hand and led me into the house to find Alice.

"What's the matter?" Alice asked as I let go of Edward's hand to skip happily to where she sat on the loveseat in the living room.

"We found out what Bella's power is- we think," replied Edward. "She's very excited, as you can probably tell."

"Your power?" Alice clapped happily. "Ooooh, what is it?"

"I can control whether or not other people… er, vampires' powers work on me!" I replied, nearly as enthusiastic as she was, which was quite the feat. Alice was perpetually happily and needed only the slightest inducement to become _very_ enthusiastic.

I could tell _that_ much from the few times I'd spoken with her.

"Really? How do you know?"

"Well, I kind of let Edward read my mind when we were outside. Then I managed to put a block back up. We were hoping we could test it with your foresight. Would you mind?" I looked at Alice hopefully. She grinned back and shook her head.

"Let's try it. Tell me when you're ready."

I decided to wish really hard that Alice couldn't see my future, since that had worked with Edward. I concentrated, and then motioned for Alice to go. Her face screwed up in a look of concentration. We sat like that for a few moments, then she shook her head.

"Nothing," she told me.

"Okay, that's good," I wished for Alice to be _able _to see my future. "Okay, now try."

Alice concentrated again, then seemed to go into a trance. She sat, her eyes dazed and cloudy for a couple of seconds, then seemed to snap out of it, her eyes sparkling with awareness once more.

"I saw a really cute outfit that we _have _to get you," she told me. "I wonder why this is your power?"

"Maybe because she could always block me out," suggested Edward.

"I've always kept to myself," I added. "Maybe my love of privacy is what manifested itself? Better than being an even worse klutz."

Alice laughed.

"Just promise me one thing?" she asked.

"What?" I asked.

"Don't use that power on me unless it's absolutely necessary?"

I giggled as Edward muttered something about it being unfair from behind me.

"As long as you promise not to use your power to see what you shouldn't."

Alice laughed.

"I would never do that! So, do we have a deal," she stuck out her hand.

I grasped it warmly- I could imagine becoming good friends with this pixie-like vampire. She was a truly good person.

"Deal."


	9. Two Weeks

_**A/N: Okay, here's chappie eight, which is a major filler chapter. Chapter nine won't be out for a while due to exams, play practice, and hockey practice. Hopefully I can get it up by next weekend, but I need to finish it first, and I want to get a good start on chapter ten before posting it. On the bright side, I have the rest of the story planned out for the most part, so it shouldn't take me too long to write the chapters. Thanks in advance for your patience.**_

_**P.S. I have over 100 reviews!! That's really exciting for me. Enjoy.**_

_Eight. Two Weeks_

As Jasper was as annoyed by my power as I was ecstatic about it. In all the decades he had lived, he had never come across someone on which his power wouldn't work.

I took great pleasure in blocking him out.

We made Alice laugh several times with our blown out arguments. He even went to Carlisle to try and get the older vampire to lay down a new rule. He didn't want me to be able to block his powers out. Carlisle had refused to get involved, instead claiming that he had to go to the hospital and Jasper had best talk it out with me.

We hadn't talked.

Instead, he had adopted a new tactic. Every time we were in the same room, he would take to annoying me- badgering me until I left the room, but still refused to let down my block.

Whenever his annoying tactic got to be too much to bear, I found that Rosalie would offer me haven in the garage, where she liked to tinker with everyone's cars. She enjoyed it so much that even her anger at Edward couldn't stop her from messing around with his silver Volvo to get it to reach maximum speed. I learned more about cars in the short time I spent talking with her in that garage than I had learned in all my seventeen years as a human. I was even helping her with the Ford Tacoma that Carlisle had bought for me. I had tried to refuse his offer to get me a vehicle, but he had persisted. I finally agreed to let him buy me a vehicle- as long as _I _chose what it was, and I wanted the dark blue 4X4 I had found on the internet sight of a dealership in Seattle. Jasper and Alice had went to the dealership and brought it home for me- it was even better than it had been in the pictures.

It was also while avoiding Jasper that I got to know Emmett.

Huge vampire or not, once you got past Emmett's intimidating exterior, he was like a giant teddy bear. Although, a very large, very dangerous teddy bear. I had no doubt that, if someone were to hurt his family (which he seemed to count me as, as well), he would kill first and ask questions later.

I also found that I could ask Emmett questions without worrying about him telling anyone else, even Rosalie. In this manner, he became my confidante of sorts after the first week I spent with the Cullen family. I often talked to him about Edward who, while trying to act… not broody when I was around, still lapsed into periods of tortured guilt in which he couldn't look me in the eye, and tended to go out hunting.

"Why is he like that?" I asked. "He acts as if he has the weight of the world on his shoulders."

"Edward is… well, I've never really understood Edward. He likes to be in control, and when he's not… he gets guilty. What he did when he turned you, Bella- that was the ultimate loss of control to him," Emmett looked thoughtful for a second, before brightening and turning to me. "Let's do something… happier."

I shook my head in amusement before asking:

"What?"

Emmett thought for a moment, before snapping his fingers.

"You've only been hunting around here- you have to admit that deer are boring and _way_ too easy to catch," he waited until I nodded my begrudging agreement, then continued. "I'm going to take you bear hunting, there's an awesome place south of Rainier we can go. We'll make a weekend of it."

The idea was tempting. I had been practicing my control, but still couldn't go much longer than forty-eight hours before I had to jump the first living creature I came across. It would be interesting to hunt something that was more of a challenge, too.

"Do you think Carlisle would let us?" I asked.

"No. Maybe we'll even make it a family trip!"

Despite my earlier misgivings, I was becoming more and more used to being a part of "the family". Emmett and Alice, in particular, had made me feel welcome- and my arguments with Jasper were more like those that occurred between siblings than actual fights. Carlisle and Esme treated me like another daughter, and even Rosalie had no problems with me. I was becoming more and more fond of the idea of staying, even after I learned to fully control myself.

I would have no doubts at all, if it weren't for Edward.

I didn't want him to see me everyday and think only of his guilt. It made me feel both guilty and frustrated. He was the one I wanted the help of most- I still hadn't tried to discover why, though every time I mused on him, I felt closer and closer to an epiphany- yet, he seemed to be avoiding me. Especially lately.

So, I did what anyone else would do- asked Emmett if he knew anything about his brother's odd behaviour.

"It's because we're leaving on Sunday," he explained. "He's really feeling the weight of his guilt now that we're leaving Forks- he thinks you'll hate him for taking you away from Charlie, even if you can no longer be with him."

"Well- that's silly," I retorted. "If I didn't hate him when I first found out I was a vampire, why would I hate him now?"

"I don't really understand Edward- remember? Now, let's go ask Carlisle about that trip, little sister."

_Little sister_. I decided that I _really_ liked the sound of that.

"You'll enjoy this hunting trip!" Alice told me as she danced down the steps to where I stood with Emmett and Rosalie. Jasper followed behind her, carrying a bag of her belongings as well as his own. I had the strap of a bag over my arm as well, holding some clothes borrowed from Esme and Rosalie. We would go shopping once we crossed the Canadian border on our way to Alaska on Sunday. Until then, I would wear the borrowed clothing. "It's lots of fun- and really amusing once the boys get started on their competitions."

"And if you let down the block, I'll be able to use my powers for your maximum amusement," added Jasper.

"Oooh," I replied, pretending to consider it. "That's very tempting- but I'll have to decline," I grinned as he glared at me. "You'll get used to it- eventually. Edward has, after all."

"No I haven't," Edward came down the steps. "I just know better than to ask you to let me read your mind. And Emmett- I'm really not all that hard to understand."

Both Emmett and I stared at him for a moment, before we realized what must have happened.

"Yes you are," was Emmett's reply.

"You were eavesdropping!" I accused him.

"Not really," replied Edward with a shrug- he was in one of his less guilty moods today, it seemed. "I Emmett doesn't try to keep his thoughts secret, then there's nothing I can do."

"You mindsdropped," I replied.

"_Mindsdropped_?" Edward asked incredulously.

"Yes- you eavesdropped on a personal conversation by way of mind-reading. What would you have done if I was confiding to Emmett my undying love for you or something?" that annoying feeling of an on coming epiphany came again, preventing me from feeling embarrassed over my little out burst. Just when I was about to realize something important, Edward interrupted.

"You didn't- and I highly doubt that you will _ever _admit your, ah… _undying love for me_. You may not hate me- but I doubt you'll ever like me."

"I don't _not_ like you," I told him. "You're not around enough for me to like or dislike you- which is really annoying since you _are_ the one who's supposed to be teaching me Vampirism 101."

Edward sighed in frustration.

"I don't understand you," he told me before exiting the house to put his bag into Emmett's massive jeep.

"Don't try!" I called after him, then I looked at the others. "Did I just use the phrase _Vampirism 101_ and the word _mindsdropping_?"

Alice giggled and nodded.

"What was I thinking?" I asked.

"No one knows- although I could tell you what you were feeling if you'd ju-"

"Jasper?" I interrupted.

"Yes?"

"Stop talking before I show you my emotions _physically_."

Jasper gulped, and Alice laughed even harder, joined by Emmett. Rosalie gave me an appreciative smile.

I was positive I heard a chuckle come from outside, as well.

The Jeep only had seat belts for seven. But that didn't really matter since we were all vampires and nothing short of… well, I wasn't really sure _how_ you killed a vampire. I only knew that it took a _lot_ more than a _"simple car accident"_ as Rosalie had so scathingly said when I had asked if not wearing seat belts would be dangerous.

"I know this will seem kind of odd," I said from where I sat next to Edward's seat (I had drawn short straw and had to sit on the floor), "but how _do_ you kill a vampire?" Everyone looked at me oddly, as if they were unsure of my mental stability, so I defended myself. "I would like to know so I could, I dunno, _avoid it_?"

My sarcasm amused Edward, who chuckled softly next to me. Then he suddenly sobered, his head snapping around to look at Carlisle who sat with Jasper and Alice in the back. I wondered what Carlisle was thinking- I didn't have to wait long to find out.

He was going to answer me.

"It's not easy to kill a vampire," he said, looking at me and ignoring the low hiss that came from Edward, who obviously didn't want Carlisle to give me this information.

I wondered whether it was because he didn't want me to learn about the darker side to vampirism before absolutely necessary, or if he was shushing him so that I wouldn't know what he was doing when he plotted to end my existence.

As these thoughts rushed through my mind, Carlisle continued to speak.

"We can really only be killed by other vampires. Or werewolves, who are our natural enemies."

"_Werewolves_?" I choked out incredulously. "They're real?"

"Vampires are real, aren't we?" pointed out Jasper. "Why shouldn't werewolves be real as well?"

When it was put like that, my question sounded pretty dumb.

"Shut up, Jasper."

That sent Emmett into a round of laughter, while Jasper pouted like a petulant child. Alice looked as if she were caught between joining Emmett, and defending Jasper. Carlisle made the decision for her, pushing on in his explanation and ignoring Emmett's booming laughs.

"To kill one of us, we have to be ripped to pieces, then the pieces have to be lit on fire. It's the only way to be completely sure."

"That's seriously…" I searched for the right word. "Sick," I decided that sounded right. "Okay- so if I want to survive, I have to avoid human wolves and other vampires that would wish me harm… okay… that's easy enough, isn't it?"

"As long as you don't expose vampires and bring down the wrath of the Volturi, you'll be fine," Rosalie assured me.

"Volturi… do I wanna know?"

"They're like the royalty of the vampires. Carlisle spent some time with them when he was in Italy, before he turned any of the rest of us. They make sure no vampires reveal us. They also live off of humans- if I were you, I'd avoid them," replied Edward.

"I'll have to remember to never go to Italy," I replied pertly.

"We're here," Emmett announced, interrupting the conversation.

I looked out the window to see that we were surrounded by trees on all sides.

"Uh… what's different about here than the trees we were in five miles back?" I asked.

"The trees five miles back don't have as many bears," replied Emmett cheerfully. "And we need bears- it's not a good hunting trip if there's no bears."

"In case you couldn't tell- bear is Emmett's favourite," commented Jasper, dryly. "When we come to an area with them around, I wish _he_ had a block. He's entirely _too _giddy."

Emmett gave Jasper a whack for his comment, which turned into a full-blown fist fight when Jasper returned it. Such things often happened when amongst the Cullens. Instead of sticking around and worrying, as I had the first time it had happened, I followed Alice to where Carlisle and Esme waited for us next to a large oak tree.

"Those boys," I heard Esme muttered. "Jasper, Emmett- stop acting like savages! One would think you had been raised by a pack of wolves!"

"Sorry Esme," replied both males in unison, looking at her sheepishly.

I was snickering at the two males when a familiar scent reached me.

There was an animal nearby.

"A Grizzly," said Emmett, rubbing his hands together with a grin. "Excellent. I call di- hey Bella! No fair!"

I had taken off after the scent before Emmett could finish claiming the bear. I ignored his indignant yells. I hadn't hunted in over twenty-four hours and was beginning to feel the thirst, so I had immediately gone into "hunter" mode when I smelled potential prey.

Had I been in my right mind, the sheer size of the Grizzly would have terrified me. As it was, I wasn't in my right mind, so I attacked the Grizzly. I easily dodged the clumsy swipes it took at me with its massive paws and fought back with my hands and teeth. By the time the Cullens had caught up with me, I had successfully broken the bear's and was happily drinking its blood.

"That's not fair Bella!" whined Emmett. "I called dibs."

"I… was… hungry?" I replied weakly, looking up from drinking the bear's blood.

"We can see that," replied Jasper wryly. "I don't think even _Emmett_ could've taken out a Grizzly _that_ fast."

"Yes I could have!" replied Emmett. That got the two started into an argument about who was stronger: Emmett or me.

I thought it was Emmett, but I decided not to get involved. Jasper and I argued enough over my power without me siding with Emmett in their arguments- no matter how tempted I was.

_'Bear tastes better than deer,'_ I mused, letting Edward hear me. He looked at me with raised eyebrows. _'I'm just saying- they do. Do you have a favourite?"_

"Mountain Lion," he told me. The others looked oddly at him- I wasn't surprised. They had no way of knowing I had temporarily let down my block. "And I like being able to read your thoughts."

"Hey- that's no fair," whined Jasper. "If you're letting down the block for him, you have to let it down for me too!"

"I don't put up one against Alice," I replied. "Yet I still put one up against both of you, so that's a bad argument. Besides, I'm not letting him into my mind permanently. I like having privacy in my own mind, thank-you very much."

To prove my point, I put the barrier back up. Edward sighed and Jasper must have felt his annoyed frustration because he smirked at the other vampire.

"Let's keep hunting," said Emmett. He turned his gold eyes to me and added: "And the next bear is _mine_. Hunt something else."

"You were the one who came here because the bears are good," I retorted. "So you can share them a bit."

"You know- you're like the annoying little sister on that Cheez Whiz commercial," he grumbled. "You know the one that makes her brother give her half his toast?"

"And what are you going to do about it?" I asked. "Take half the fur off the next bear?"

Emmett glared at me and smiled sweetly in reply.

"Children, let's not argue," sighed Esme.

"Yeah," agreed Alice. "We _should_ start hunting again _sometime_ this century."

The weekend passed relatively quickly. I found that hunting the bear and wolves of the area was much more… exhilarating than the meeker game I had went after back at Forks. These at least put up some fight.

It seemed like no time had passed when we were back at the Cullen house, packing up for the move to Alaska which was to take place that afternoon. With the enhanced speed we all possessed, it took a mere two hours to pack everything up. I watched in amazement as a once-lived in house quickly took on a look of abandonment. Lively rooms became dreary and un-lived in as Esme took away the pieces of art and other such decorations she had used to liven the house.

"Well- are you ready for Alaska?" asked Edward, as he came in from packing the last of the boxes into Emmett's Jeep.

I didn't answer for a while, looking around the house that had been my home for the last two weeks. I realized that I was truly leaving Forks- leaving behind the last remnants of my human life.

Was I ready?

"Let's go," I replied, holding my hand out to him. He took it and gave it a squeeze.

I lead Edward out to the vehicles where everyone else was waiting. Giving one last look back at the white house, I turned to smile at him, and then got into my Tacoma and followed Rosalie's M3 to the highway- to Alaska.

I didn't look back again.


	10. Alaska

_**A/N: Well, here's the next chapter- sooner than I thought too. I don't really like how it came out all that much… but it's a necessary chapter to the story, and it has a bit of Bella/Edward. Please enjoy. Thanks to everyone who reviewed.**_

_Nine. Alaska_

Despite Rosalie's updates, my truck and Emmett's Jeep didn't get as good of gas mileage as the other vehicles in the Cullen's possession. We had to stop halfway to Alaska to fill them up- in a cloudy Canadian town in mid-British Columbia. I got in with Edward before we got here, allowing Jasper to take the wheel of my truck. Carlisle had decided there was no need to risk temptation this soon after my turning, so Edward kept driving, allowing me to get out of the Volvo only after we were about three miles outside the town's limits. It was here that we would wait for the others.

"Tell me about the Denali coven," I told him, stretching my arms above my head to loosen my muscles.

"Well- there's five of them. Tanya, Kate, and Irina are the leaders- they're all over a thousand years old. Eleazar and Carmen are younger, but appear to be older as they were turned later in life. They're also married," replied Edward. He had gotten out of the car as well and was leaning against the side of the Volvo, his arms crossed. I couldn't help but be struck by how… _beautiful_ he was.

"What are they like?" I asked.

"Eleazar is very quiet and rather philosophical. He's always reading some book or other. Carmen has always reminded me of Esme- she's naturally maternal, and she worries a lot, about everyone she cares for," he smiled down at me as I came to join him against the car. "Tanya is the liveliest of them all- she and Alice are close. She's always shopping, or going out for a night on the town, as she calls it. Kate isn't as lively as Tanya, but she can usually be talked into any scheme she comes up with. Irina is the most reserved of them all. She's quiet and thoughtful and says little- though what she does say is worth listening to. Irina is very wise."

We stood in silence after he had finished speaking. He seemed to be thinking about something, and I was taking in his descriptions of the people I was going to meet.

"Don't you need to fill up the Volvo?" I asked, breaking the silence. "Or can it get all the way to Alaska?"

"Rosalie is very good," was Edward's enigmatic answer. I took that as a yes.

"Is she very angry at you?" I asked, avoiding his look.

"She has every right to be," Edward answered immediately. "Hers is a _normal_ reaction."

"Sorry I'm not normal," I retorted with a dark scowl. "I just don't see the point in being mad at you- you're mad enough at yourself for both of us."

Edward didn't reply- I didn't expect him to.

We stood in silence, me watching him, still scowling, and him refusing to meet my eyes. We stayed like that until the rumbling of car engines drew our gazes to the highway. Emmett's Jeep was barrelling down the road towards us, followed by Carlisle's Mercedes, Rosalie's M3, and my Tacoma.

"Just remember one thing," I told Edward as I straightened, prepared to relieve Jasper of my vehicle. "_I'm _ the one that was turned Edward- if I can forgive you, shouldn't you forgive yourself?"

"It's not that easy, Bella."

"Try- maybe you'll find that it is."

I walked to meet Jasper who tossed me the keys to my truck. He must have been feeling Edward's emotions, because he looked at me with a slight, curious frown.

"It's times like this when I _really_ like my power," I told him. The frown turned to an annoyed scowl and I laughed.

Jasper was so easy to frustrate.

Being raised in Phoenix, I had never in my life even _considered_ the thought of going to Alaska. The thought of all the snow and ice made me shiver. The thought of going as far north as _Canada_ had made me shiver. Alaska was way out of my league.

As a vampire- I didn't notice a difference in the temperature.

Actually- that wasn't entirely true.

When I stepped out of my Tacoma in front of a large manor house- obviously the Denali coven was as well off as the Cullens were- I felt… warmer than I usually did. I realized that the weather must be colder than our pretty much non-existent body temperatures. I felt almost warm. The feeling brought a pang to my heart- I had accepted that I was no longer human, but sometimes it still hurt to think of everything I'd left behind with my human life.

"Are you okay?" asked Jasper, frowning at me from where he had exited Carlisle's Mercedes with Alice.

"I'm fine," I replied, trying to assure with a smile. By the way he frowned at me, I could tell it had looked as false to him as it had felt to me.

"I don't need my powers to tell that's a lie."

"Jasper- please drop it?" I pleaded. Both he and Alice frowned at me.

"Bella-" began Alice, but I shook my head at her.

"It's just a bit of home sickness," I told her. "It was bound to happen- I'm still new to this whole vampire thing. I'll be fine- really."

Alice gave me a small smile and skipped ahead to join Carlisle and Esme on their way to the front door. Jasper however, was looking at Edward, who returned the look. They appeared to be having a silent conversation, and I glared at Jasper when I realized what he must be doing. I scowled at him as Edward approached us mouthing out _'you are so dead'_. He merely shrugged and walked to follow Alice.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked me, his topaz eyes worried as he stared down into my red ones.

"I'm fine- whatever Jasper told you, it's not true," I replied quickly.

"I'm not an idiot, Bella."

"We should go- I want to meet the Denali coven," I turned to leave, but Edward caught my hand in a powerful grip and spun me back around into his chest.

"Bella… please, talk to me," the way his gold eyes seemed to glow reminded me of the day he had turned me, and how that gaze had mesmerized me. Part of me shivered in fear from the remembrance, but the larger part wanted to give Edward what he wanted.

The larger part won.

"I'm just… missing home, I guess. Before now I'd never been further north than Forks. I would've never even _dreamed_ of going further north than Forks. I didn't even really like Forks that much… and now I'm in Alaska, and I'm rambling aren't I?"

"You are," agreed Edward, a small smile dancing on his lips. "Home sickness is to be expected Bella- I'm surprised you're just feeling it now. But you've proved that you're strong. The pain _will_ dull eventually."

Despite the guilt he felt, because I knew he was feeling guilty- Edward _always_ felt guilty- he was trying to make me feel better, and that touched me. I stared up into his topaz eyes, and he held up his hand, stroking my hair softly. I felt that epiphany coming again as I stood there, leaning into his touch, mesmerized with his eyes. It was with in my grasp, and-

"Are you two coming or not?"

Emmett interrupted it.

"Uh, yeah. Coming!" I replied, breaking free from Edward's grasp. Not for the first time, I was grateful that vampires couldn't blush. Had I been able to, my face would have looked like a fire hydrant. I didn't know whether to be happy for the interruption, or curse Emmett. I had been so close to finding out the answers… and Edward's touch had felt so good.

And I felt as if I were missing something that should have been completely obvious.

"We should go- you have to meet our temporary hosts," Edward said, avoiding my eyes. I had a feeling he was as embarrassed as I was, and it made me feel a little bit better.

"Uh yeah… we should… lead the way."

Edward grasped my hand and led me towards the others. Jasper was smirking at us, as if knew something we didn't. Rosalie glared darkly at Edward- she rarely did anything _but_ glare in his presence- while Emmett grinned at us next to her. Alice had an odd expression on her face, an odd cross between agony and happiness. I gave her a curious glance, and noticed that Edward wore a similar expression. That confused me even more- Edward was never confused, he just read the mind of whoever was doing the confusing to get his answers (unless the "whoever" happened to be me, of course). Alice met my eyes and just shook her head almost imperceptibly. She wouldn't be answering our questions today.

"Ah- the Cullens family!" An exuberant raven-haired young woman with the same topaz eyes and inhuman beauty as the Cullens' came skipping out of the house. She was as tall as Rosalie, and nearly as beautiful. "It took you long enough to get here. This must be Bella. I'm Tanya- it's nice to meet you."

I stared at Tanya for a long moment, digesting everything that she had just said.

"Uh… hi?" was my intelligent reply.

"C'mon," she grasped my arm in one hand and Alice's in the other. "You have to meet the others. How have you been, Alice? Have you had the chance to shop for Bella?"

"No- I was waiting until we got here so that you could help," replied Alice happily. The two were obviously kindred spirits.

"Excellent! I know just the place we have to go! We'll get you all settled in- then we'll take Bella's measurements so we know what to get her! This will be so much fun!"

"What?" I managed to choke out.

"You can't wear Rosalie and Esme's clothing until you're in control," Alice pointed out. "Tanya and I will take your measurements, then go shopping for you."

Well… at least _I _didn't have to go shopping.

"Everyone- look who's here!" Tanya sang out, pulling us into the house. A brunette not much taller than me and around the same age in appearance as Tanya materialized from a nearby room, followed by another raven-haired girl who held a ragged looking her book in her hand. A tall man with red hair and a slender brunette woman appeared at the top of the steps and came down to join the other two females. "Bella- meet Irina, Kate, Carmen, and Eleazar. Everyone, the Cullens have arrived, and brought their newest family member with them."

Irina was the girl with the book, while Kate was the younger brunette. Carmen was the older brunette, while Eleazar was the male that accompanied her.

"It's nice to meet you," Kate said, offering me her hand. I took it, smiling shyly.

"How long ago were you turned?" asked Eleazar. "Carlisle didn't tell us much about the circumstances around your turning- just that they were coming here until you learned some semblance of control."

"Uhm… about two weeks ago," I replied. It seemed like an entire life time ago, so much had happened since that day when I followed Edward into the forest.

"So soon…" murmured Irina. She glanced at Kate and Tanya who nodded.

"We'll have to take you hunting soon," said Kate. "I don't remember much about being a new vampire- it was a long time ago- but I do remember that I was _always_ thirsty."

"I can go forty-eight hours without hunting," I admitted. "I'm working on more control, but it's still difficult."

"It will be for the first year," Tanya assured me. "It is for everyone. After your human blood is out of your system, it gets easier. Once you've been around as long as we have," she motioned at herself, Irina, and Kate, "blood has almost no effect, except for when we hunt."

I remembered that Edward had said the three were all over a thousand. I guessed that after a millennium of life, anyone would have good control.

"Ah Carlisle- it's good to see you again," greeted Eleazar as the other Cullens entered the house.

"Eleazar," greeted Carlisle with a nod. "Carmen, Irina, Kate- it's wonderful to see you all again."

"You too. Come in, we'll show you all to your rooms," Carmen motioned for us to follow her up the steps.

"Hurry up and settle so we can get Bella's measurements done," Tanya told Alice, who nodded with a bright smile. Had I had anything to unpack, I would have taken my time unpacking it just to put off what was sure to be a miserable experience for me.

Sadly, I had no belongings yet (except for a couple of outfits that Rosalie and Esme were letting me borrow), so exactly fifteen minutes later, I was standing in Tanya's room in nothing but my underwear as she and Alice took measurements.

"You must have had a lovely figure as a human," Tanya told me as she measured my waist. "You're so slender and slim."

"Not really," I told her. "I was pretty average, actually…"

"Don't listen to her," Alice told Tanya. "She's just modest. She was a very pretty human. According to Edward, all the boys were fantasizing about her within the first half hour of seeing her."

"They were not!" I argued. Alice and Tanya continued talking as if I had said nothing.

"I can tell- she has the type of figure that most girls would kill for, and it didn't all come from the change."

I muttered incoherently under my breath, glaring daggers into the back of their heads as they continued with the measurements.

"There's a really good strip mall we can go to in town to get Bella her clothes," Tanya told Alice as she finished measuring around my chest- a _very_ uncomfortable experience. "It doesn't have much in the way of designer stores, but I found these two little places where you can find absolute _treasures_!"

The way she said treasures made me fear what kind of monster the duo was going to turn me into.

"How do you feel about going hunting tomorrow morning?" asked Kate, as everyone lounged in front of the television in the sitting room.

"I wouldn't want to bother you-" I began, but Tanya interrupted.

"It wouldn't be a bother at all. We need to go hunting soon anyways- we might as well take you too."

I _had_ noticed that their eyes seemed rather dark- like the Cullen's were when they were hungry.

"Well… okay. If you don't mind. Thank-you," I smiled at the two and they returned it.

"I'll come as well," Edward said. Tanya raised her eyebrow at him. She must have said something to him with her thoughts because Edward scowled at her and gave a growl. Tanya merely smirked in reply.

"Ignore them," Kate told me. "Tanya takes great pleasure in antagonizing Edward as much as possible- and Edward lets her get to him. They're hopeless cases."

"Okay," I replied slowly before looking at the guide that Eleazar was flicking through. "I'm guessing that no one would be willing to let me watch _Inuyasha_ now, would they?"

The answer to that was confused looks from everyone but Edward.

He merely snickered.


	11. Mistake

**_A/N: You guys are going to hate me after this chapter- but everything I do, I do for the plot… and because Bella's character took over the writing of this chapter? Should I be worried about that? On the positive side, I'm nearly done chapter eleven. Please enjoy (and try not to kill me after reading):_**

_Ten. Mistake_

I did finally get to watch _Inuyasha_ that night- after watching three consecutive episodes of Sports Center and the movie _Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby_- but I did get to watch it. Almost everyone left within the first ten minutes except for Edward- who seemed to enjoy watching me watch the show- and Tanya, who seemed to actually _like_ the show. I had never expected that- a one thousand year old fan of anime, who would have thought?

"That show was _wicked_," Tanya told me as _Song of Truth_ began to play and the end credits rolled. "Although I have to ask… is Jakotsu a male or a female?"

"I was wondering the exact same thing," Edward commented dryly.

"He's a flamboyantly gay male," I replied. "That's why Miroku and Inuyasha were so freaked out when he found them attractive as they're both obviously _not _gay."

"No- one's just a pervert and the other is a necrophiliac," commented Edward.

"You're not allowed to make fun of _Inuyasha_," I told him. "You chose to watch it, you could have left with everyone else."

"It's too entertaining watching you watch it," he informed me. "Even if the show itself _does_ leave something to be desired."

"It's a cartoon targeted at eight year olds," I told him dryly. "I doubt they had what was considered good entertainment by a century old vampire in mind when they made it."

"If it's targeted at eight year olds, then why is the seventeen year old still watch it?"

"Because the seventeen year old enjoys Japanese cartoons," I stood up and stretched. "everyone has different tastes. 'Night, Edward, Tanya, I'm going to go and try and go into a trance to pass some time."

"Trance?" asked Tanya confused.

"Yup. I sit and stare at a piece of wall until my mind shut downs and I come as close to sleep as a vampire can."

Tanya waved at me.

"Good night then, Bella."

I heard her and Edward murmuring to each other as I left the room, but I didn't stick around to find out what they were saying.

I had a feeling it was about me.

"Where we're going in the _best_ place to hunt," Kate told me as we loaded into Eleazar's Hummer, which he was lending to us for the hunting trip. "Lots of big predators."

I had learned that the bigger, more challenging the animal- the better they tended to taste.

"What's your favourite?" I asked her.

"I like black bear," she replied. "They're skin's not as tough as grizzly. Bobcat is pretty good, too."

"Are you two ready to hit the road?" Tanya asked, coming out of the house. "Irina says she doesn't need to come, so it's just us and Edward," she looked back towards the house. "Hurry up Eddie!"

"Don't call me that," grumbled Edward coming after her. Tanya replied with a too-sweet smile that made him sigh and look at me with a wry smile. "Sometimes I suppose you need to give up and count your losses."

I laughed softly and climbed into the hummer. He climbed in next to me while Tanya claimed shotgun and Kate drove.

The drive would have normally taken about an hour and half to two hours- at the speeds a vampire drove, it took half an hour. Over that time I discovered that Tanya liked anything with a synthesizer, which made Edward grimace, while Kate preferred oldies like AC/DC and Guns and Roses. It was as she was belting out the words to "Paradise City" in a perfect voice at the top of her lungs that we arrived at our destination.

"Shush- you'll scare away all the animals," Tanya told her, as Kate continued to sing even as we got out of the vehicle.

"Take me down to the paradise city/where the grass is green and the girls are pretty/come take me home... you're just jealous 'cause you don't know the words."

Tanya snorted.

"You wish- I never did like Guns and Roses."

"That's why they're one of my favourites," Edward murmured into my ear as we followed the two older vampires towards the trees. I grinned up at him.

"That's just mean," I told him.

"I know- but it's still true."

"Let's start hunting!" said Kate, sick of arguing with Tanya over who was better- Guns and Roses or Madonna.

As always, as soon as I began the hunt, my instincts took over. Perhaps if they hadn't, what came next wouldn't have happened. Maybe if I had kept my head, everything would have went normally.

But it didn't.

I had been tracking a bob cat when I smelled it.

Blood.

But this wasn't like the blood I had smelled up to this point- salty and bitter sweet. No, this smelled better than anything I had ever smelled- human life included. It was sweet, and mouth watering, and completely _intoxicating_. I began to walk in the direction of the scent, feeling the beast within me rise up, yearning to taste whatever it was that was giving off that scent.

Edward, who had been running next to me, noticed my strange behaviour.

"Fuck!" he swore, moving towards me.

It was too late.

The beast had completely taken over my mind- and it had only one goal.

Kill whatever was bleeding, and drink until it was dry.

The blood lust made me run faster than I had ever run before, though in my obsessive state, I hardly noticed as I dodged around trees at a speed that would have put even Rosalie's beloved M3 to shame. With each step I took the scent became stronger, and I moved faster.

I broke through the cover of the trees and was overcome by the scent. I was vaguely aware of the sound of screams, but my mind was zeroed in on the form was of a young man- no older than twenty-five- who sat on a log with a blood stained rag held to his leg. A vague part of me registered two young women the same age as the man, and made a note to go after them later.

Then I made the biggest mistake of my life.

I attacked.

I wasn't aware that Edward, Kate, and Tanya had caught up with me until Kate pulled me away from the body of the young man- mangled and bloody, completely dead thanks to my teeth- and slapped me across the face.

Then the force of what I had just done hit me.

I had done what I had sworn I wouldn't do.

I had _killed _a human.

"Ohgodohgodohgod," I muttered, staring at the corpse with wide eyes. "Ohgodohgod…"

"Get her out of here, Kate," Edward snarled. He looked at Tanya who nodded, and they took off after the two women who had been with the man.

"Ohgodohgod."

"Come on Bella, let's get you back to the jeep," I hardly heard Kate's words, was hardly aware as she pulled me to my feet and pulled me to Emmett's jeep.

"Oh God…"

Only one thing registered in my mind as I let Kate get me into the jeep mechanically.

I was a murderer.


	12. Epiphany

_**A/N: Well… I decided to just put this chapter up and get it over with. Please just remember- if you kill me, I can't finish the story. Thanks for all the lurvely reviews, and please enjoy!**_

_Eleven. Epiphany_

"Bella, Inuyasha's on. Eleazar says you're welcome to watch it- he'll even watch it with you."

I stared blankly at the wall, ignoring Alice's pleas.

"C'mon Bella… I'll take you hunting. I'll even let you have all the Grizzlies we find."

I turned my eyes to Emmett, but when I looked at him, I couldn't see his face. I could only see the mangled body of the young man who's life I had cruelly ripped away. I stared at the apparition with curious horror. Had there really been that much blood? Had I really done that much damage? I couldn't remember that much- I had been too out of control- and Kate had taken me away before I could get a good look at the body.

The body.

The body of the man I had killed.

"I'm a monster," I said in a small voice, turning away from Emmett and cruel apparition to stare once more at the wall. The image was there as well.

I didn't bother trying to look away again.

The image was everywhere.

"Bella, you're not a monster," Jasper told me. "We've all had human blood at one point or other. You're new to this- you didn't _mean_ to do it. It's not your fault."

I ignored him.

"Any luck?" I heard Carlisle ask from the doorway.

"No," replied Alice. "She just says she's a monster."

There was no answer, and I thought that Carlisle must have left. Then he was in front of me, holding my hands in his.

"You made a mistake, Bella. You haven't had any experience in resisting humans, much less their open wounds. Most vampires who have been around centuries can't resist open blood. _It was not your fault_."

I cringed away from him. How could kind, caring Calisle who would have rather died than feed on humans not see the monster I was?

More likely he did and was too kind to hate me for it.

"I'm a monster," was all I could tell him.

"No you're not," he replied.

"Bella- you have to eat," Alice told me. "You can't beat yourself up like this."

Their kindness was too much, the pity I could see in their eyes opened holes in my heart, and the kindness in their voices was like a knife in my soul.

I tore away from them with an anguished roar, running as fast as my legs could carry me. I didn't care where I went, as long as it was away from the house and the inhabitants who pitied me.

Monsters didn't deserve pity.

I didn't know how long I had run before the pain finally caught up to me and I fell to my knees in anguish, sobbing without shedding any tears- yet another sign that I was a monster.

I stayed there like that, my chest heaving as if I had run a marathon, for God knows how long before I realized I was being watched. I looked up from the grassy floor of the forest into a pair of bloody red eyes.

They were Edward's.

I thought it was another apparition at first, then he began to walk to me and I remembered the two girls that had been with the man I had murdered.

I would have bet that, were I to look at Tanya's eyes, they would be the same shade of burgundy.

"I'm a murderer."

"So am I," Edward replied smoothly, kneeling down so he was at eye level with me.

"Only because I made you one," I replied, averting my eyes from those crimson symbols of my failure.

Edward reached out and tilted my chin so that I had to look him in the eye. Despite the horrific color, the expression in the eyes was soft and so entirely _Edward_.

"I rebelled," he told me softly. "About a decade after Carlilsle turned me. I fed on humans- I read their minds so that I would only hunt those I considered guilty- but I still hunted them. Bella, what you did, you had _no_ control over. You're new to being a vampire and it was open blood. I had trouble resisting it, and I'm a lot older than you are. You are _not_ a monster. You're the farthest thing from it."

Edward sighed when I averted my eyes from his and didn't answer. He lifted me into his arms bridal style- I didn't try and stop him.

"I'm sorry for doing this to you," he said softly, beginning to walk back towards the house. "For turning you."

And for the first time, I could understand why it was that he had been so guilty all this time. This time, instead of telling him to cheer up, I merely answered, every bit as angst ridden and regretful as he was.

"I'm sorry too."

When I stared at one spot on the wall long enough, the bloody vision of the man would disappear, leaving behind nothing but a blank, white wall. It was for this reason that I didn't move, that I didn't speak. I didn't even breathe, afraid that if I did, the visions would come back to haunt me even more. I heard Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and even Rosalie, try to reason with me, but I didn't move- I was far too afraid to. I just heard their words with a half an ear, never replying, never even reacting. I knew it frightened them- it frightened _me_- but it was better than seeing that body again.

"Oh for God's sake," I heard Rosalie mutter darkly as she tried to speak to me one day. She must have seen someone pass by the door because I vaguely registered her weight lifting from next to me on the bed, and then heard her speak. "You, come reason with her. You put the poor girl in this situation, now fix it!"

"I can't help Rose. I tried to talk to her already, it didn't work."

Oh. She was talking to Edward. Against my will, my eyes flickered towards the voices, trying to catch a glimpse of the angelic face I knew would be in the hall.

Rosalie's back blocked my view.

"Why do you have a bag?" she demanded, then in a silky-smooth voice more dangerous than any I had ever heard she added: "Edward Cullen- are you _leaving_?"

"Yes," he replied, his voice stubborn. I could see him in my mind- his eyes glinting with a metallic gleam, the one they got when he was ready to fight, his stance sturdy, ready to move like lightning at the first sign of trouble. It was a position he often adopted when talking to _me_.

"She needs you now more than ever- you can't leave!" Rosalie snapped.

"She regrets being turned Rose. Once she snaps out of this, and I know she will- Bella's strong, she'll be glad for my absence. I bet she'll never want to see me again."

_NO!_ I wanted to scream. _I don't want you to leave- stay, please! Stay with me._

"You're an idiot Edward Anthony Masen Cullen," Rosalie stated. "The only way she'll never want to see you again _is_ if you leave now!"

"Wouldn't you hate me if you were her?" demanded Edward. "Wouldn't you want me gone?"

"But I'm not her!" replied Rose vehemently. "She is nothing like me- which is _why_ you have to stay."

"Good-bye Rose. When she's herself again, tell her… tell her I'm sorry."

I heard Edward's gentle footsteps moving away, and Rosalie shouting curses and insults after him, but they passed over deaf ears.

Edward was _leaving_. He was _abandoning _me. I was suddenly faced with a situation a hundred times worse than seeing the apparitions of the bloody body- a situation in which there was no Edward.

The epiphanies I had been so close to reaching suddenly seemed foolish- the answer that had always been just out of my reach seemed so _obvious_, now that the answer was leaving.

I was in love with Edward Cullen.

It was so painfully obvious now that I was almost embarrassed for not realizing it sooner. But I couldn't be embarrassed- not now. Not when he thought I hated him, not when I was about to lose him.

Eternity without Edward would be unbearable.

I leapt to my feet and flew out of the door past a very startled Rosalie faster than you could blink and eye.

"Bella, what are you doing?" she asked as I rushed past her, but I ignored the question. Every second I wasted was a second closer to losing Edward forever.

"Edward!" I yelled, running towards the exit. I was vaguely aware of a startled Irina and Kate blinking at me in surprise from the living room, but I didn't acknowledge them. I was zeroed in on my destination. I threw the doors open, not bothering to shut them behind me, still yelling. "Edward!!"

The man in question paused in his path to his Volvo and turned his head to look at me.

"Isabella?" he asked, his voice a mixture of shock and curiosity.

"Don't leave!" I gasped. "Please- don't leave. Stay, I need you."

Edward snorted.

"You don't need me Bella. If you were in your right mind, you wouldn't be asking me to stay."

"I've never been saner," I replied. "Stay."

He looked at me. His eyes, still red, were anguished.

"You don't deserve this un-life," he told me softly. "You deserve heaven, yet I've damned you to this hell. I'm sorry Bella…"

Then he turned and continued to walk to the Volvo. I gaped after him, before shaking my head to get my senses back.

The only man I would ever love was about to abandon me unless I kept my head.

I didn't know when it had happened, or why. He had stolen my life, taken away my family, he had made me a monster.

And now he had stolen my heart, as well.

On some mental level, I realized how completely unfair it was. He had turned me into a vampire, he had made me leave behind a mother who needed me and a father I only now realized I would have liked to have gotten to know.

And now he was leaving me as well.

That wasn't acceptable.

"You coward!" I screamed. "You complete and total coward! You feel guilty so you're just going to turn tail and run? You- you… there's not even a word for you!"

He stood there, his back to me. Then he continued to walk.

And that's when I lost it.

Giving an angry roar, I ran at him and tackled him. I collided into him with a thunderous crash that knocked the air out of me and, if his loud _oomph_ was anything to go by, Edward as well. In a lightning fast move, I managed to manoeuvre us so that I was straddling his middle. In any other situation, his look of surprised shock would have been comical.

"Bella-" he began, but I shook my head angrily.

"No Edward, listen to me. You can't leave… you can't, because I need you here."

"Bella, you don't need m-"

"I need you here because, for some reason I don't quite get, I fell head over heels for you in the time since I became a vampire. I know what you're going to say- that you don't deserve to be loved, well _I don't care_. I do love you, so what are you going to do about it?"

At first I thought Edward had gone into shock. He stared up at me, gaping slightly, and saying nothing. Then his eyes darkened to a black that had nothing to do with being hungry- at least not for blood- and suddenly our positions were switched and he was on top. I didn't even have time to complain when his mouth was on mine and my mind went completely blank. He seemed to put all his pent up longing and anguish into that kiss, making it the most passionate reaction I had seen him give.

If I had to use one word to describe that kiss, it would have been 'heaven'.

If I had to use one word to describe what happened afterwards, it would have been 'hell'.

"I don't deserve you," Edward murmured.

"But you have me anyways."

"You deserve someone who won't hurt you Bella, and that's all I'll ever do," he kissed me again, but this time there was a pained edge. "I'll hate myself for this for the rest of my existence- but it will be worth it, when I see you happy. Good-bye, Isabella."

Then his weight lifted from my body, and he disappeared.

The Volvo was already driving away from the house before I could process what had just happened.

Edward had left.

I was once again seeing a horrific image in my mind, but this time there was no blood involved.

All I saw was the tail lights of a silver Volvo as it carried the man I loved out of my life forever.


	13. Determination

**_A/N: Wow… that last chapter got a lot of reviews. A lot of them telling me to make Edward get in a car accident… sorry, no can do. His leaving is necessary. Please _try_ and enjoy the next couple of chapters, even if they are Edward free. They do have Jasper! Jasper's pretty cool, isn't he? I think he his. Now here's: _**

_Twelve. Determination_

I don't know how long I sat in the drive way, staring down the lane, half-hoping that the Volvo would show up again and Edward would exit it and tell me that it had all been a joke.

"Bella, come inside," said Alice kindly.

I didn't reply, just kept on staring down the lane.

"Oh for fuck's sake," I heard Jasper swear. Then he was in front of me, his hands on either shoulder, shaking me harshly.

"Jasper, what are you doing?" demanded Alice, but Jasper didn't reply, instead he spoke to me.

"You have to snap out of this Bella! Stop the damn pity party."

I stared at him, wondering why he couldn't just leave me alone.

"Edward left," I whispered.

"I know," replied Jasper harshly. "Now, what are you going to do about it?"

"Do…about… it?" I repeated slowly, not comprehending what he meant.

"Yes- do about it. You aren't just going to let him run, are you? Because if you are, then you obviously don't love my brother as much as you said you do."

Anger at his mocking words warred with anguish over Edward's abandonment.

"What am I supposed to do?" I demanded as anger won. Then I added sarcastically, "_Hunt him down_?"

"Yes, actually," replied Jasper. "That's _exactly_ what you should do."

"How? He's gone somewhere I can't follow. I have no control, remember?"

"Then maybe you should get some."

"And then, maybe in a hundred years or so, I can finally catch up with him," I snapped. "Please Jasper, by the time I gain control he'll have found someone better. Someone prettier and more intelligent who isn't a murderer," I sighed. "Let's face it- he's gone. Besides, he never said anything about him loving _me_."

"Empath, remember?" Jasper said, tapping his skull. "Just because you can block me doesn't mean Edward can, and he's head over heels for you. It took him a hundred and five years to find you; he won't replace you that easy. As for control- maybe you should talk to Carlisle."

"How long have you been around Jasper?" I demanded. "If you don't have that much control, then how the hell can you expect me to gain it?"

Jasper winced slightly and Alice looked ready to defend him, but Jasper shook his head at her.

"You're right- I don't have good control," he agreed. "That's why I'm coming with you to talk to Carlisle- I'll take the lessons too."

"What?" I asked incredulously.

"You heard me- I haven't been trying hard enough. I just gained as much control as I needed to prevent me from jumping every human I come across- that's not good enough. We'll both get the lessons. A bit of moral support is always useful. And if that doesn't work, we can always use competition to learn faster."

"You'd do that?" I asked, feeling touched.

"We're family, Bella. Family helps each other out," Jasper smiled at me, and Alice nodded her agreement.

"Jasper's right," she agreed. "Family sticks together."

I clasped both their hands in mine.

"Thank-you."

"I also feel… guilty," admitted Alice.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I saw Edward leaving, when we first came to Denali. I didn't know why, but I didn't warn anyone… I didn't even tell Jasper," Alice looked so apologetic that I couldn't even get angry at her.

"Why didn't you?" I asked.

"Because I saw what comes after- these lessons… and I also saw that you _will_ have your happy ending, Bella. Please trust me."

And I did.

"Are you okay Bella?" Tanya asked as soon as I entered the house.

"I'm fine- or I will be," I replied, steely determination in my voice.

"You're going to go after Edward," Irina stated.

"I am," I agreed. "But first- I have to gain some semblance of control over myself. What happened with that man in the forest- _it is not happening again_."

"It takes time to learn control…" Kate began.

I cut her off.

"I'm stubborn. I refuse to be held back because I'm not _strong_ enough."

"We should talk to Carlisle," Jasper told me.

"He's upstairs, talking with Eleazar in the study," Irina said. She drifted back into the living room to where she had abandoned her book. Kate and Tanya drifted off as well and Alice, after giving us a supportive smile, followed them.

"Let's go," I told Jasper. He nodded at me and took the steps two at a time, I was right on his tail. I didn't know where we were going, so when he stopped suddenly in front of an oak door, I kept moving and ran straight into his back.

"You did that on purpose, didn't you?" I demanded, rubbing my nose, which had smacked into his back in the collision, and glaring at him. Jasper snickered.

"You should see the expression on your face," he laughed. I growled and spun him back around so that he was facing the door.

"Knock before I shove your head through," I muttered darkly.

"You know- I've missed you these past few days," he told me over his shoulder. "Welcome back, Bella."

Then, he knocked on the door. Eleazar was the one to open it.

"Hello Jasper," he said, then his eyes landed on me. "Bella, you're up again."

"Uh… yeah," I agreed, slightly uncomfortable. "We were hoping to have a word with Carlisle."

"Of course," Eleazar stepped back to let us in. "I was actually just leaving."

Jasper murmured a good-bye and I gave a small smile and a 'thank-you' as Eleazar left. Once the door and snapped shut behind him, we both looked at Carlisle who surveyed us calmly from his seat behind the desk.

"It's good to see you're okay," he said to me. "After Edward… well, we're all glad that you're okay."

"Jasper has a way with words," I admitted dryly.

Carlisle raised an eyebrow and looked at Jasper curiously. Jasper shrugged, smiling slightly sheepishly.

"Am I right to guess that you didn't come to tell me about Jasper's way with words- no matter how entertaining I'm sure the story is?"

"You're right," I agreed with a nod.

"Well then, take a seat and tell me what it is you need," he replied, gesturing at two chairs in front of the desk. I plopped down in one, while Jasper sat in the other with a bit more grace. I may not fall all over myself anymore, but I still didn't have as much grace as those who didn't suffer almost handicapping clumsiness as a human.

"I want to go after Edward," I said. "I can't just let him leave like that… I love him too much to let him run away and wallow in guilt, and we all know that's what he'll be doing."

"Edward does tend to… wallow a bit," admitted Carlisle. "He never agreed with me, when I said that just because we're vampires doesn't mean we've lost our souls. How can I help you in your hunting of my wayward son?"

"I have no control when it comes to human blood- what happened on my last hunting trip proved that. I'm in no shape to go out amongst the humans. I need to learn control, Carlisle- and I need to learn it sooner than I normally would have. We're here to ask you for lessons… in control."

"Both of you?" Carlisle asked with something close to surprise, looking at Jasper.

"I've been at this for a while," Jasper pointed out. "Yet I never really bothered to learn any control beyond what was absolutely necessary. I want to be able to help Bella… and I don't want you all to worry about me every time we're around humans. These lessons… I need them too."

"I'm proud of both of you," Carlisle told us, his voice thick with emotion. "For coming to me for help. It's not something many would be willing to do."

"I'm not going to be a monster," I told him, my voice stubborn.

"Me neither," agreed Jasper.

"Well… then you'll have your lessons," Carlisle eyed us both closely. "Though I think you should go hunting for first. It will be better if your thirst is as quenched as possible when we start these lessons, and I'll need time to come up with a safe way to teach you. We can hardly toss you out amongst the townspeople right off the start."

"Thank-you," I breathed, jumping up to go around the desk and hug him. "You have no idea how much this means to me."

"Well," Carlisle seemed both pleased and almost embarrassed. "I want to see all of you happy- Edward included- and I believe that this will help you find that happiness. It's my pleasure, Bella."

"Thanks, Carlisle," Japser said, as we walked towards the door. "We'll make you proud."

"I've always been proud of you Jasper, this request has just made me realize how much you've grown."

Jasper didn't say anything more, but I could tell that Carlisle's words gave him a new determination.

As for me, the thought of seeing Edward again gave me all the determination I needed.

"When do you want to hunt?" Jasper asked me.

I bit my lip, thinking. I was nervous to hunt again- what if we came across another human?- but I also knew that it was necessary, not only to the lessons, but also to my survival.

"Maybe tomorrow morning? Get an early start and be back here before…" I trailed off.

"Before any humans will have wandered into the forest?"

I nodded sheepishly.

"It's understandable that you're nervous, Bella. We'll head out at dawn. Now, if you'll excuse me, I want to go and catch up with Alice."

I gave Jasper's back a wave, then wandered down the hall, planning on going into my room to… rest for a while.

My feet led me to the room Edward had been using instead.

I blinked at my surroundings, startled. There were a couple of boxes next to the bed- the only piece of furniture besides the plush arm chair in the corner- that held some of his precious CD collection. He had set up his sound system in the corner. I remembered seeing his room- just once- back in Forks. The black leather couch, the three cloth covered walls, the fourth covered in stack after stack of CDs. Edward was very musical- I remembered hearing him play the piano, about a week after my turning. He hadn't realized I was there; he was too concentrated on his music. Now that I knew what it was I felt for him, I realized that that had been the moment when I fell truly and irrevocably in love with him. He had looked so fragile, so open- none of his carefully sculpted facades were up. It was just pure, raw _Edward_.

I took another step into the room, letting his scent assault my senses. I lay down on the bed, the place his scent was strongest, and allowed myself to be enveloped by his essence. I finally allowed the full brunt of his leaving to come down on me.

And I couldn't breathe.

I knew that I didn't have to be able to breathe to survive, but still… the facts hit me like a bulldozer, leaving me behind- broken and hyperventilating.

Edward had left me. No, worse than that.

Edward had left me after I told him I loved him.

"Oh god," I sobbed. "Why? Why did you go?"

I hit the bed, I hit the pillow, I even hit the wall once, putting a neat, fist shaped hole in it, but I was too far gone to even feel bad.

"Why?" I sobbed, hitting the pillow with all my strength, sending feathers flying from it. "Why did you go? Why did you leave me?"

"Easy there Bella- the poor pillow never did anything to you," came a soothing voice. Hands entered my line of vision and pulled the tattered and flattened pillow from my shaking hands. "Come on now Bella, breather. Deep breaths- in and out."

I did as the voice said and took deep, shaky breaths in and out. I slowly moved my head up, still taking the breaths, to see who it was that had been speaking to me.

It was Jasper.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly.

I was ready to lie, ready to tell him I was fine and _'let's go hunting'_, but I couldn't. Yet, I couldn't tell him how I felt either- there weren't words to describe that.

I let down the block instead.

Jasper stiffened for a moment as the tumult of my emotions ran over him, then he pulled me into a hug- warm, brotherly, and comforting.

"I don't think I can do this," I whispered. "It hurts to much- I don't think I can do _anything_?"

"Yes you can," Jasper replied. "You're not alone Bella- we're all here to help you: me, Alice, Emmett, Rose, Carlisle, Esme- everyone."

"Edward's not."

"No- but he will be. You can do this Bella; I'm going to help you. Then we're going to hunt down Edward, and you're going to knock some sense into his thick skull."

"It hurts," I whimpered. "Him leaving like that- it hurts."

"I know it hurts, little sister. You loved him- but he loves you too. He may not have said it, but I _know_ he does. You'll beat this, and you'll get him back," he pulled back to look me straight in the eye. "You don't have to be the strong one anymore, Bella. You can show your emotions, we won't judge you for it. Please, let us- let me- help you Bella- keeping it all piled up inside isn't good. It will be _that_ that breaks you, not the actual feeling."

"Thank-you Jasper," I whispered. "Thank-you."

"Just let us help you."

I didn't put the block up again.


	14. Lessons In Control

_**A/N: Okay, this chapter still has no Edward- but he next one is from his point of view- that's good, right? This one is more to just be a transition period in which some things that aren't all that important happen and the lessons begin. Thanks for all the reviews, and here is-**_

_Thirteen. Lessons In Control_

Jasper helped me to calm down, since he was now able to use my power on me again. I was thankful that he didn't comment on it, instead deciding to just let it go.

He was a good brother.

Once I was in control of myself again, we got ready to hunt. But before we could do that, I had one thing I had to do.

"Tanya," I said, standing in the entrance to the living room where she sat, entranced by the cartoon on the television that I recognized as _Naruto_. Hoo-boy, I think I had created a monster.

"Yes?" she asked, only giving me half an ear.

"You know the room Edward was using?"

"Yes- what about it?" I had more of her attention now, her eyes were even darting in my direction every now and then.

"We-ll… Ikindofputaholeinthewall," I said, using all of my vampire speed-speech abilities.

That _definitely_ got Tanya's attention.

"WHAT!?"

"I put a hole in the-"

"You weren't actually supposed to answer that- it was a rhetorical question. Bella, why did you put a hole in the wall? And you can actually answer that one."

"I had a break down over Edward leaving and took it out on the wall… and his pillow… so the room's covered in feathers, and has one less pillow."

Tanya stared at me emotionlessly- which was a scary reaction for the normally exuberant vampire.

"And you're scaring me, so I'm going to go hunting with Jasper now- bye."

I was pulling Jasper towards the forest at top speed by the time Tanya reacted to my news.

"_ISABELLA SWAN- YOU ARE SO DEAD WHEN YOU GET BACK!!!_"

"Should we go back?" Jasper asked nervously. "When Tanya gets mad- she can get pretty mad."

"Which is why we aren't going back- I'm not suicidal, are you?"

"Good point."

"Those are the only kind I make."

Jasper opened his mouth, then shook his head and changed his mind.

"I'm not even gonna reply to that."

I think I was almost insulted…

This time, the hunt went without any hitches. Jasper and I found a couple of bears and a small herd of deer that we used to sate our thirst.

"I feel read to take on the world- how about you?" Jasper asked.

"Ready as I'll ever be… do you think Tanya's calmed down yet?" I replied.

"Hmmm… she's probably been stewing until you come back and she can blow up on you."

"Lovely," I muttered. Then I grinned wickedly, getting an idea. I shot off to the house, shouting over my shoulder: "If I beat you back to the house, you can do all the explaining."

"What? No fair Bella!"

I laughed as I heard him crash after me, speeding up slightly. The trees past by me in a blur of brown and green. My feet hardly seemed to touch the ground I moved so fast.

It was completely _invigorating_.

"I beat you," I gasped, coming to a halt in front of the house, Jasper two feet behind me.

"If you think that means I'm taking the brunt of Tanya's wrath- dream on," replied Jasper. "I had _nothing_ to do with the hole in the wall, the destroyed pillow, _or_ the shredded sheets."

"Shredded sheets?" I asked, almost nervous for clarification.

"You must not have noticed it- the bed spread was in tatters. You made a real wreck of that room."

"Oh God," I groaned. "Forget lessons and eternity- Tanya's going to destroy me. She is going to rip to shreds and enjoy lighting the pieces on fire. She'll probably do a victory dance while spreading my ashes across Alaska _and_ Canada. She'll probab-"

"Oh Isabella!" sang out the voice that I least wanted to hear at the moment. Tanya danced out to Jasper and me, and grabbed my hand, pulling me into the house. She was _way_ too happy, sounded _way_ too sweet. "While you were hunting, Alice and I decided to go and get you some new clothes. You need to try it all on, so that we can make sure it all fits and goes well with your figure."

I thought that maybe shopping had cheered Tanya up a bit. I was terribly wrong.

Laying on the bed in the room was a pile of clothes containing more articles than what Renee and I had owned _together_.

"This is your revenge, isn't it?" I asked bleakly. "You're going to torture me with clothes- and you're going to enjoy every minute of it."

"Yes, I am. Alice, get in here with that make up!" she called.

"Make up?" I asked in a strangled voice. "Aren't clothes enough?"

"I thought they would be- until I saw the bed spread. I liked those sheets, and that quilt was over fifty years old. So now, you will wear make up."

"Would it change your mind if I apologized?"

"Nope," replied Tanya, taking the make up from Alice and setting it on the bed, then digging through the pile of clothing. "But you can try it anyways."

"Well, I am sorry," I replied.

"Hmmm… you're forgiven-" I brightened. "- as soon as you try on all these clothes and let us put on your make up."

My mood darkened once more.

Now refusing to talk to Tanya and Alice- they had forced into an unholy amount of clothes before deciding I should wear a pair of low, hip-hugging jeans, and a dark blue top with three-quarter length sleeves that showed more cleavage than I was comfortable with. That had taken two hours. They had spent another hour on make up that I didn't even _really _need.

Tanya was forgiven, and I was refusing to speak to either of them.

Instead, I wandered out to the garage where I knew Rosalie would be. She had been spending most of her time since Edward left there. According to Alice it was how she got rid of her unresolved rage- until she could summon it back up to take it out on the one who had angered her in the first place.

I almost felt sorry for Edward- but now that I had had time to think, I was rather mad at him myself. Completely in love with him- but still mad.

I don't care how guilt-ridden he was- you don't run away from a girl when she spills her guts to you. It just doesn't happen.

Especially if you loved that girl, which Jasper was positive Edward did. And I trusted Jasper in these matters- he was the empathy, not me.

"Rose, are you out here?" I asked softly, pushing the door to the garage open.

"Under here," I heard her muffled voice from beneath Carlisle's Mercedes. "Give me two seconds."

I leaned against a nearby shelf, fiddling with one of Rosalie's wrenches as I waited for her to finish whatever she was doing. Moments later, she appeared from underneath the Mercedes. It always amazed me how, even when she had grease stains on her clothing and face, Rosalie could still make every other female within a ten mile radius feel self-conscious.

"You're okay?" she asked. I could tell she was uncertain what to say to me.

"I'm as good as I'll ever be until Edward's back," I replied.

"He's an idiot," she told me bluntly.

"He is," I agreed. "A complete idiot- and one I'm not entirely happy with at the moment… but I love that idiot, so…"

I shrugged helplessly, Rosalie gave a small laugh.

"He said you regret being turned," she said. "That's the normal reaction but… did you mean it, when you told him that?"

I frowned, fiddling with the wrench and thinking over her question hard.

"That's a difficult question," I admitted. "I mean… looking back, there's a lot I would have liked to have done that I'll never get to now. I would have liked to have gotten to get to know Charlie, and had children… maybe even tripped on my way up to get my diploma. But… I can't regret getting to know this family, and becoming a part of it. And I definitely can't regret getting to meet Edward," I sighed. "I'm honestly not sure… is it possible to be _happy_ that you became a vampire? I'm… relatively happy now- and I'll be even better once I hunt down Edward down… am I making any sense?"

Rosalie rested her cheek on her palm, and nodded slowly.

"I… I think you are. I just want to know Bella… how can you love Edward, even though he stole your life from you?"

"Don't you love Carlisle?" I asked.

"He's my father in every sense of the word but blood," she replied. "But that's different- I was going to die when he turned me. You were perfectly healthy when Edward attacked you."

"So was that man I killed," I replied. "I can understand now why Edward couldn't resist. It's intoxicating, and he couldn't control himself… and love is blind, isn't it?"

"I've heard that before," agreed Rosalie. "Even if you're not sure whether or not you're happy about being turned, Bella- _I_ am happy I can call you sister."

"I'm glad I can call you sister too, Rose," I grinned at her, she smiled back. "But now, I have some lessons to get to if I ever want to be able to bring back the idiot."

Rosalie laughed at my way of addressing Edward.

"You will," she told me. "I know you'll master your control, and then you'll bring back Edward… and I'll even hit him for you."

"Thanks Rose… for the faith and the offer. I may take you up on it."

Rosalie laughed again as I exited the garage and headed for the office where I knew Carlisle would be. I had a smile on face as I contemplated the conversation.

I would truly enjoy having Rose as a sister.

"And she arrives," commented Jasper dryly as I entered. "Making me feel under-dressed- was I suppose to put on my big boy clothes?"

"Ha ha ha," I replied. "This was Tanya's way of paying me back- and you're evil little wife helped."

That made Jasper laugh.

"Well… are you two ready for these lessons?" Carlisle asked entering the office with a paper bag in his arms.

"Ready when you are cap'n!" I replied. Carlisle looked at me curiously with a raised eyebrow. I just grinned at him sheepishly and shrugged, causing him to shake his head.

"I'm not going to ask," he told me. He then reached into the bag and pulled out a container. "I figured out a way to test your control without putting any humans in danger."

"What is it?" I asked curiously.

"I made a trip to the blood bank," replied Carlisle simply. He then pulled the lid off the container.

A heavenly aroma reached my nose at the same time it reached Jasper's. I couldn't control myself any better than I had in the forest- I pounced at Carlisle and container with a feral growl, Jasper inches behind me.

Carlisle, with all the skill of a three hundred year old vampire, leapt nimbly out of our reach and snapped the lid back onto the container. The source of the scent cut off restored to the both of us some semblance of control, though it left me rather disorientated and confused.

"Well," Carlisle stated. "It looks like we have some work to do."

And so began my second torture session of the day.


	15. All I Think About Is You

_**A/N: As promised, here is Edward's POV. It's not very long- but it does tell you what he's been feeling, and sets up the next chapter. Please enjoy:**_

_Fourteen. All I Think About Is You_

Exactly two weeks, five days, six hours, thirty-three minutes and twenty-three, make that twenty-four, seconds had passed since I had last seen Bella. Her beautiful was ingrained into my mind. Whenever I closed my eyes, I saw her face. Whenever I opened my eyes, I still saw her face. It haunted me.

Bella laughing. Bella arguing with Jasper. The expression on her face when Alice used her as a hum- vampire Barbie doll.

Bella beaten and broken after killing the human male.

I growled and threw the lamp next to my bed against the wall. It shattered with a satisfying crash, leaving me to breathe deep, trying to calm my raging emotions.

She had told me she loved me- _me_, the one who _turned_ her, who ruined her life. I had wanted nothing more than to say it back, to hold her in my arms for all eternity and never let go. But I couldn't.

Bella was a fallen angel- I had clipped her wings. She deserved more than the half-life I had cursed her with, and someday she'd realize that.

She'd thank me for leaving- if she didn't destroy me for turning her first.

Still, despite all the guilt that haunted me, despite the fact that she deserved more than a beast like me, that phone that sat next to where the lamp had once stood was a constant temptation.

Maybe if I heard her voice just once…?

No, I couldn't do that. If I gave in and called, I'd never be able to hang up- I'd end up going back to Denali, and I'd just hurt Bella even more than I already had. Still, the temptation was strong…

The phone joined the lamp in pieces on the floor.

_Pieces_. I laughed humourlessly. _Just like the pieces of my broken heart._

It would be so easy to put those pieces back together. All I would have to do was get a plane back to Denali and-

What? Beg Bella for forgiveness? I'd do it in a heart beat if it meant that I'd see her smile.

_NO!!_ I roared mentally. _No going back- Bella deserves better. Out of sight, out of mind. She'll move on and make the most of this existence and I'll… I'll…_

I didn't know what I would do.

"Sir, is something the matter?" I heard the knock of one of the hotel workers on my door. "Your neighbours said they heard crashes."

I gave a growl and moved, lightning fast, to wrench the door open.

"This is for the lamp and the telephone," I growled, shoving a handful of bills into the frightened, wide-eyed brunette out side my door's hand.

"What do you mean- oh."

She caught sight of the mess against the wall and her thoughts, which had been full of fear of my reaction to her intrusion, filled with fear of _me_.

She should fear me- it was the intelligent thing to do.

_Bella never feared me._

Well… she should've. Maybe if she had-

_What? _I wouldn't have bitten her? That was a lie. _She wouldn't have followed me?_ An even bigger lie- I used every ability I had to lead her into that forest. I had wanted her blood and made sure she followed me.

_Like a lamb to the slaughter._

_'He looks like he's in pain.'_

"Sir, are you okay?" the girl asked nervously.

"I'm fine," I growled. "Sorry about the damage."

Then I slammed the door in her face and stalked back to the bed where I flopped backwards onto it.

_Bella…_

To just hear her voice… it would be like a man dying of thirst getting water in the desert…

With a muttered oath, I pulled out my cell phone and dialled the number that had been running through my head for the past two weeks, five days, six hours, forty-seven minutes and ten seconds.

_One ring…_

_Two rings…_

"Hello?"

_And the parched man finally got his water…_


	16. All Of Me

_**A/N: Okay, so this is going to be the last of the daily updates. I hope to have the next chapter up by this weekend, maybe earlier, but no promises. Sadly, life is once again beginning and I'll be busy with school, hockey, and play practice, not to mention I tutor a grade 5. Please be patient with me and enjoy:**_

_Fifteen. All of Me_

I don't think I had really expected _exactly_ how hard it was to learn to control my blood lust. It was as if the blood was heroin, and I was the addict.

And there was no twelve step program for blood addiction.

"It will come," Carlisle had told me when I roared in frustration as, once again, I had been unable to resist the pull of the blood.

"You're able to resist it longer and longer every time, Bella. It will come," Jasper had added.

"_You_ don't seem to be having all that much trouble," I told Jasper with a dark scowl. And it was true- after the first three days, Jasper had become able to resist the blood enough to actually hold me back from jumping Carlisle for it.

"I've had more experience," Jasper replied. "I just never really tried to _really_ resist the call. It gets easier every time."

And it had.

Despite my frustration on that third day, by the end of the week I could sit in the room for twenty minutes with the open container of blood before I had to give into the urge and go for it. By the end of the second week, I could resist it for up to two hours if I tried really, really hard.

And through it all my family stood by me.

Jasper gave me the moral support I needed in the lessons- I didn't think I could have done it if he hadn't been right be through everything. Alice and Tanya could always take my mind off of Edward when I began to brood- whether it was by forcing me to try on clothes, or just talking with me. Rosalie… well, Rose was there when I needed someone to rant to. She took it all in patiently- which was a word I had never applied to her until now- and gave me good advice in return. Emmett… he _always_ could make me laugh, even when I was beginning to remind everyone of Edward with my moods.

Then there were Carlisle and Esme.

I missed my parents- Renee had been my best friend, and Charlie was Charlie- you couldn't _not_ like Charlie, but Carlisle and Esme were my parents too. They were patient and loving.

My life would have been almost perfect if Edward had been there.

My determination to bring him back was growing day by day, and that showed in my lessons. I had been taking lessons for two weeks and four days when Carlisle finally told me what I wanted to hear.

"I think you're ready to go out amongst humans," he smiled when he saw the way my eyes lit up. "It's quite amazing- the progress you've made. Normally it would take at least a year for a young vampire to reach the level of control you have."

"I've had an added incentive. Thank-you Carlisle!" I grabbed both him and Jasper, who had been sitting on the desk next to him, in a tight hug around the neck.

"No problem, Bella," Jasper choked out. "But we kinda need to breathe."

"No you don't," I retorted, but I released them anyways. I hadn't been this happy in… I had never been this happy. It must have showed as I practically skipped into the living room.

"What has her so happy?" Emmett asked curiously. "Is it an all day marathon of that weird show she likes, 'cause if it is… I think I'll cry."

"You can't cry you overgrown Teddy Bear," I replied, laughing at the expression on his face at my words. "And I'm happy because Carlisle says I'm ready to go out into the world again. Do you know what that means?"

"Uh… you can actually shop with Alice and Tanya now, rather than them just getting you your clothes?" he asked.

"Ugh- no!" I replied, making a face. "That's the down side to this- I hate shopping. This means that I'll be able to go after Edward soon!" I hugged Emmett around the neck like I had Jasper and Carlisle. "How great is that?"

"I'm guessing it's pretty great from your reaction," replied Irina dryly from where she sat reading a book. "And you're strangling poor Emmett."

I looked at Emmett and released him with a sheepish grin.

"Sorry Emmett- I forgot my own strength."

"Who would have thought such a little creature could be so strong?" Emmett replied, rubbing his neck. "It almost wounds my ego."

"I thought you said your ego couldn't be hurt any more after that whole incident at the start of the lessons," I teased him good-naturedly. Emmett scowled at me and I laughed at him.

It had been my second lesson. Carlisle had decided that it would be best if he had back-up after I had nearly ripped his arm off trying to get at the blood in our first one. Emmett, being the kind, caring vampire (his words, not mine- I think he just wanted to be able to laugh at me) he was had offered his assistance- as long as he could hold his breath. He may have had better control than either Jasper or I, but he was no Carlisle.

As he had before, Carlisle brought in his container of blood and, after asking if we were ready, opened it. Jasper had managed to resist fairly well, actually managing to get into the hall and away from the scent of blood.

I hadn't faired so well.

The blood had once again awoken the sleeping dragon, so to speak, and I had leapt at Carlisle, intent on getting the liquid from him no matter the costs. Emmett had seen this and went to stop me from attacking his surrogate father. Sadly, he had underestimated my strength, not expecting that a girl who barely reached five foot four could beat his six foot four inch frame.

Emmett had ended up getting thrown through the door and Carlisle had- once again- nearly lost the arm. It had been narrowly prevented by a laughing Alice (who had Seen everything) and a disgruntled Emmett who was still covered in debris from his crash.

He hadn't helped with the lessons again.

Alice, who was sitting on the recliner across from the couch where Emmett was perched with Rose, burst out laughing at the memory. Emmett alternated between scowling at me and Alice, while Rose tried to hide her smirk from her husband.

"It's not that funny!" he stated.

"Actually it is," giggled Alice. "You should have seen the _look _on your face. If you could have, I'm pretty sure you would have had an apoplexy."

"Ha ha, laugh it up Alice. You wouldn't have fared any better in my place."

"Probably not," replied Alice. "But I wasn't in your place, so that's a moot point."

"Okay everyone," interrupted Rose, coming to Emmett's rescue. "Let's get back to the point of this conversation- Bella's first trip back into the real world."

"We can go to the mall!" cheered Alice.

"We should probably hunt," Rose told Emmett. "We'll want to be prepared. Do you want to come?"

I shook my head.

"I just went yesterday, so I'm still good," that was true, but I also didn't want to play the part of third wheel for a couple that liked to show their love in… physical ways.

The two bid me, Irina and Alice good-bye, then left to hunt.

"I'm going to go read where it's quieter," Irina told us. "Congratulations, Bella."

She then walked up stairs to where her room was.

"I have to go and tell Tanya the good news!" exclaimed Alice. "She said there was a store I _had_ to see- now you can come."

"Alice-" I began, but it was too late. She was already gone. I would have gone after her, but the phone began to ring and I was the closest to it.

"Stupid shopaholic vampires," I muttered darkly, walking to the kitchen where the ringing was coming from. "I had to be cursed with one for a sister- I must have kicked someone's dog in a past life," I picked up the phone. "Hello?"

I heard someone's breath catch on the other end.

"Who's there?" I asked.

"_Bella_," the voice breathed, and I froze.

It was Edward.

"E-Edward?" I choked out. "Is that you?"

"_Yes… how are you?"_

I didn't know how to reply, my mind didn't seem able to process that it was really Edward on the other end of the phone line, so I said nothing.

_"Bella, are you still there?"_ his voice sounded anxious.

"Yes," I answered quickly. "Where are you?"

_"I can't tell you that,"_ he replied.

"Why the hell not?" I demanded.

_"Because you'll come after me… and you shouldn't do that. You should move on and be happy… and I should have called. But I had to hear your voice and… I'm sorry."_

"What are you apologizing for?" I asked.

Edward laughed nervously.

_"I'm not entirely sure myself. For calling… for leaving… for staying as long as I did. Definitely for turning you, bu-"_

"I miss you," I interrupted. "I _really, really_ miss you, Edward."

There was a pause.

_"I miss you too, Bella. A lot."_

It wasn't _'I love you'_, but hearing that he missed me was like a balm on my bruised and beaten heart.

_"I… I really just wanted to hear your voice,"_ he admitted. _"Even though I know you probably hate me."_

"What part of 'I love you' did I not make clear to you?" I asked. "Because when a girl tackles you and spills her heart out to you, it usually makes her feeling _pretty_ clear."

_"You shouldn't love me."_

"So you've said- I didn't listen then, I'm not listening now. I love you Edward- and I'm going to bring you back," I promised.

_"That's why I won't tell you where I am."_

"You're forgetting Alice. I don't need you to tell me when she can," I replied, my voice acidic. "I'm stubborn Edward- you should realize that by now. I'm also pretty mad at you."

_"You have every right to be. I damn-"_

"I'm not angry about _that_," I replied.

There was another pause.

_"Then what _are_ you mad about?"_ he asked at last, his voice leaving no doubt that he didn't really want to know, but that he knew I would tell him anyways.

"In my experience, a girl has a right to be mad when the man she loves kisses her- a really good kiss by the way- runs away, and then doesn't call for nearly a month. Even if I _did_ hate you, which I _don't_, I would hunt you down just so I could slap you for that."

_"_If_ you manage to find me, are you going to slap me, even though you don't hate me?"_

I laughed softly.

"Probably- but you'll get over it," I twirled the phone cord around my finger. "Carlisle's going to let me go out amongst the humans."

_"What?"_

"I've been taking lessons in control with Carlisle. Jasper's been taking them too. That's why I haven't already hunted you down. Carlisle says I'm ready to _go out in the real world_ as Rose puts it."

_"I've missed a lot, haven't I?"_

"You wouldn't, if you'd just come back."

_"I can't do that."_

"You're coming back anyways," I pointed out reasonably. "I'll drag you back kicking and screaming if I have to."

This time it was Edward that laughed.

_I've missed his laugh_, I realized with a pang.

_"We'll see. Good-bye, Bella… tell everyone I miss them," _he paused, as if arguing with himself. Then- _"I love you Bella. I know this isn't the best way to tell you, but I do."_

I gave a strangled half laugh, half sob.

"So Jasper told me."

_"You knew before I even got the chance to tell you… that kind of sucks."_

"I like hearing it from you more than from Jasper," I assured him. "I love you, Edward. And I'll see you soon."

_"Is that a threat or a promise?"_

"Both."

_"Good-bye Bella- but I still think you shouldn't come after me."_

I stood there for a while, listening to the dial tone. Then I gave a snort and addressed the phone, as if somehow it would still get my message to Edward.

"That's too bad- because I am."


	17. Fighting The Good Fight

_**A/N: I am so, so, sooooo sorry it took me this long to update. Life's been hectic lately, and I had a bit of trouble with writer's block- but I finally got this chapter finished. Next chapter, Bella should be (hopefully) going after Edward. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and enjoy:**_

_Sixteen. Fighting the Good Fight_

It was decided that I would be accompanied by Alice, Tanya, Jasper, Emmett, and Rose for my first trip _'back into the real world'_. I had to admit, I was fond of Rosalie's way of describing it.

"This will be so great!" squealed Tanya as she threw me a pair of jeans, black boots, and a long-sleeved gray v-neck. "There are so many shops we'll have to go to. We'll look at shoes, and jeans, and shirts, maybe even some dresses! It will be so much fun!"

"Don't you think I have enough clothes?" I asked her. "I personally think that what I _really_ need is a luggage set so that I can actually take them with me when we leave."

"We can get you that, too," replied Tanya nonchalantly. "But there's no such thing as _enough clothes_."

I disagreed with her- but decided to save my complaints for the store. I would just be wasting my breath right now.

"Hurry up you two!" Emmett yelled from the other side of the door. "Jasper and I want to be able to get in a movie while you girls go shopping!"

I finished pulling on my shirt and wrenched the door open to look at him.

"Take me with you," I begged. "I'll be quiet and perfectly in control- just don't leave me along with them."

Emmett looked at me a moment before he began snickering.

"When Rose told Alice you would hate what she had planned she wasn't kidding was she?" he laughed.

"It's not funny," I told him, smacking his arm.

"No, it's not really- but the fact that you put your shirt on backwards is."

I looked down while Emmett continued to snicker. Sure enough, I had pulled the shirt on backwards.

"Dammit," I muttered darkly, pulling my arms out of the sleeves and twisting it around so that it was on right. I then turned my glare back to Emmett and hit him again.

"Ow! What was that for?" he asked, hitting his abused arm.

"It's not that funny," I replied.

"Man- when you have to go shopping, you get mean," he grumbled. "This is going to be a one-time occurrence. From now on, when you're going amongst the humans, I'm going to hide again."

I thought about hitting him again, but decided it wasn't worth the effort and settled for a nasty glower instead.

"What's taking you guys so long?" demanded Alice, dancing up to us.

"Emmett was laughing at Bella while she decided to use him as a punching bag," replied Tanya. Her voice caused me to start; I had forgotten she was there.

"Well- let's go. There's a lot of shopping to do, and not much time to do it in!" Alice grabbed my arm and began pulling me along. "You _are_ well fed aren't you?"

"I went hunting this morning to make sure," I replied. "I'm as well fed as a vampire can be."

"Good- we wouldn't want to push you too much on your first trip out. It's always the hardest. Every trip afterwards gets a little easier, until you can almost ignore the thirst… unless you've neglected to hunt for a while."

We arrived at the door where Jasper and Rosalie waited for us.

"Finally!" Jasper stated once we had halted in front of them. "I was beginning to think Tanya had to _make_ the clothes.

"Nope," replied Tanya, who had followed us with Emmett. "We just took our time. A girl _has_ to look good at all times."

Rosalie and Alice nodded their agreement while Jasper exchanged roll-eyed glances with Emmett and I gave a long, suffering sigh.

"If I have to go through hell, can we get started already?" I asked. "The sooner we arrive, the sooner we _leave_."

"That's quite a different tune from the one you were singing when you first found out about this excursion and nearly strangled us," commented Jasper airily.

"That was _before_ I found out that Alice was planning a day of torture for me," I retorted. "Now- who's driving?"

We all ended up piling into Emmett's Jeep, the only vehicle large enough to fit us all.

"This is kind of a waste," I mused, buckling myself into the off-roading harness.

"True," replied Alice. "But we need a vehicle big enough for all of us- and vampires don't drive mini-vans."

I rolled my eyes at that and settled back for the ride into town. I blocked out the conversation around me and stared out of the window, watching, but not really seeing, the trees flash by. Instead my mind was miles away- with Edward. As it often did, my mind wandered to the conversation I had had with him on the phone just two days previous.

When he had told me he loved me.

I had analyzed that conversation over a hundred times since it had occurred, but I was no closer to understanding Edward than I had been then.

"You'll bring him back," Jasper told me softly. I must have looked confused, because he then continued. "You only get _that_ frustrated when you're thinking about Edward."

"I hope you're right," I replied with a sigh.

"He is," Rosalie assured me from the front. "Edward's stubborn- but you're more so. What you've achieved in the past three weeks just proves that."

"Thanks Rose," I told her.

"No problem. Now, perk up and brace yourself. We're at the mall."

The mall wasn't one of the large ones that I had often visited in Phoenix, but it was a fair size, and even included a movie theatre. Groups of people trickled in and out through the doors, and I knew that Rosalie was right.

I _would_ have to brace myself.

"We're right here," Alice assured me. I gave her a grateful smile, then followed her out of the Jeep.

I very nearly lost it right then.

I had expected the scent to be strong, but this was almost ridiculous. It may not be in the open, but that was more than made up for by the number of people in the vicinity. The smell was intoxicating, almost irresistible.

"We're right here, Bella. Stay strong," murmured Jasper, laying a restraining hand on my shoulder. His voice gave me the jolt I needed to regain control of myself and I shot him a tight smile of thanks.

"I won't give in," I stated- trying to convince myself more than him.

"You won't- just think of Edward."

It seemed like good advice, so I did. I thought of the hard work I had put in to get this far. I couldn't give in now, or I'd never bring Edward back. I also thought of Carlisle and Esme, who had been so loving and supportive. I thought of Jasper, Emmett, Alice, and Rose who had become my siblings in every sense of the word but blood. I thought of Tanya, Irina, Kate, Carmen, and Eleazar who had opened their home to me and who had been so kind to me, despite having never heard of me prior to a couple weeks before our first meeting.

There were so many people I would let down if I gave in.

That day was the hardest I had ever been through- I also count it as my greatest accomplishment. It was the day when I first successfully resisted the blood of so many humans. I allowed Alice, Rose, and Tanya to distract me by forcing me to try on various articles of clothing- I even let them drag me to a lingerie store. When I had nearly given in and attacked the girl trying on clothes in the stall next to me in the change room, Alice was right there to remind me of what I was fighting for.

I did end up going with Emmett and Jasper to a movie, _Casino Royale_, and I successfully sat through the entire film in a dark theatre full of humans without giving into temptation. When I got close, Jasper or Emmett would draw my attention to them, and the urge soon faded to a manageable level.

I had never loved my siblings, because that's truly what they were, than I had that day.

When I got into the Jeep that evening, I was filled with a wonderful sense of accomplishment. It had been difficult, and I had needed the help of my siblings- but I had successfully gone through the day without giving in.

More than anything, I was filled with a sense of excitement.

Soon, I would be able to go after Edward.


	18. The Best of You

_**A/N: Well, here's number seventeen. It involves flashbacks, a meaningless argument between Bella and Jasper and- dun, dun, dun… Edward!! I think there will be one more chapter and an epilogue, so the story's winding down. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and enjoy:**_

_Seventeen. The Best Of You_

One week.

One week since I spoke to Edward.

Five days.

Five days since I successfully resisted the human blood at the mall.

One hour.

One hour since Jasper and I left Denali to go after Edward.

_"You've gotten good at this."_

_I grinned at Carlisle._

_"You really think so?" I asked hopefully._

_He nodded, giving me a kind smile._

_"I want you to stay a few more days and go out in the public a few more times, but I think you're ready to go after Edward."_

_If I had been anyone else, I probably would have hugged him._

That had been five days and three more visits to the town ago. Now Jasper and I were on our way to Chicago- the last location Alice had seen in her visions of Edward. We had borrowed Carlisle's Mercedes, which was faster and better on gas than my Tacoma.

"You're quiet," Jasper mused.

"I'm thinking," I replied.

"About Edward?"

I gave a sigh.

"Isn't it always about Edward?"

_"You're thinking about Edward again," Jasper had said as we sat watching _Scrubs_ on TV one night, two days ago._

_I had blinked at him in surprise._

_"I was," I admitted. "How did you know?"_

_"Don't you remember what I told you about Edward being the only one who could _really_ frustrate you?"_

_I vaguely recalled him saying something along those lines the first day I went into town._

_"Sometimes I want to put my block back up," I told him, rather than entering the conversation. "Let me brood."_

_Jasper chuckled and shook his head at me._

_"Edward's found his match in _you_, Isabella Swan. If he's smart- he won't walk away again."_

_Jasper could always cheer me up._

"He _does_ seem to be on your mind more often than other subjects," Jasper told me dryly, shooting me a quick glance before turning back to the road. He knew how much I disliked driving high speeds with someone who ignored the road.

"One track girl, that's me," I replied. "Besides, if our roles were switched and it was Alice being the idiotic masochist, you'd have as bad of tunnel vision as _I _do."

Jasper laughed.

"I can't argue with that logic."

_"Make sure you bring the Idiot back, okay?"_

_I grinned at Rose._

_"I promise- even if I have to drag him kicking and screaming. That's what I told him when he called anyway."_

_Rose hugged me._

_"Give him a smack for me."_

_Alice was the next to say good-bye. She kept it short and simple._

_"I promised you would get your happily ever after- don't make a liar out of me, okay?"_

_"I won't," I promised her fiercely. "Take care, Alice."_

_"I will- and take care of Jasper for me. Don't let him fall in love with any pretty girls while you're gone."_

_Said vampire, who had been passing us with our bags, gave a snort as he heard his wife's words. Alice hit him, then pulled him down to give him _his_ good-bye. I turned away to give them privacy, to come face to face with Emmett._

_"Sickening, isn't it?" he asked dryly, indicating the couple behind us._

_"You and Rosalie are just as bad."_

_"And I bet you and Edward will be even worse," he grabbed me up in a tight bear hug. "Be safe, little sister- and bring that wayward brother of mine home. He's been gone far too long. My wrestling skills are getting rusty."_

_"I'll be sure to tell him that," I replied, hugging Emmett back. "I'm sure that'll be enough to make him run back home."_

_Emmett laughed and ruffled my hair, before leaving me to say good-byes to Carlisle, Esme, and the Denali Coven. They all gave me a hug and wished me luck._

_Before I knew it, Jasper and I were on our way to bring back Edward._

"I miss Alice," Jasper told me, as he passed a semi truck. "I don't know how you survived so long without Edward around."

"You've been with Alice longer," I pointed out. "_I_ on the other hand have spent more time away from him than with him… I'll like it better once that changes."

"I don't doubt it," Jasper replied. "We should stop for some hunting tonight, then finish the trip tomorrow."

I sighed- I had wanted to reach Edward. But Jasper was right. It wouldn't be a good situation if we reached Edward, only for me to jump the first human I came in contact with.

"Okay. You know a good place?"

An hour later, we pulling into a rest stop surrounded by a thick forest.

It was time to hunt.

When we were well fed we returned to the car- we had taken our time and hunted for about four hours. I liked hunting with Jasper- I didn't have to fight him for the bears as I did Emmett, since he preferred the wild cats. Thinking about that made me think about Edward- his favourite was mountain lion- and I groaned.

"What's wrong?" asked Jasper, starting up the car. Before I could answer, he sensed my emotions and groaned himself. "God Bella- you really have a one-track mind."

"Tell me about it," I replied. "I'll be glad when Edward's back- at least then I won't be so frustrated all the time."

My statement caused Jasper to smirk and chuckle to himself. I furrowed my brow with confusion.

"What's so funny?"

"It's sexual frustration, I bet," he replied, his laughter becoming full out laughter. "Little Bella needs some relief and there's no one to give it to him."

He continued to laugh and I stared at him, my mouth open in shocked out rage. Giving a growl and gave him a hard smack upside the head. The action caused him to swerve into the oncoming traffic lane and he had to quickly straighten the car, which stopped his laughter.

"You could have damaged Carlisle's car!" he told me indignantly.

"You were driving, so it would have been your fault. It's not my fault you're such a pervert!" I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest and glaring ahead of me.

"You didn't have to hit me so hard!" Jasper shot back.

"Yeah, I did."

"No, you didn't."

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Yes!"

"I'm not going to fall for that," I told him dryly. "I'm seventeen, not seven. So: yes, I did."

"Spoil sport," Jasper grumbled.

Realizing how juvenile the entire situation was, I began to giggle. Jasper shot me a look of pure confusion, which caused me to laugh harder.

"Don't worry about us confused ones," he informed me. "I'll figure out what's so funny myself."

"That entire argument," I replied. "I haven't done that hole 'yes-no' thing since I was eight and was arguing with the boy who sat ahead of me in Math."

Catching on, Jasper began to laugh as well.

"You're bringing out the brat in me, Bella," he informed me.

I just continued to laugh.

The rest of the drive passed in a mixture of comfortable silences and small talk. We didn't speak about what we planned to do once we found Edward- it was an unspoken agreement that we would work on impulse.

We had entered the city limits when Jasper's phone began to ring. He motioned for me to answer it.

"Hello?" I greeted.

_"Bella- where are you?"_

It was Alice.

"Uh… we just entered city limits five minutes ago or so."

_"Okay- Edward's moved. He's heading out of the city, to a small ranch that Esme got years ago and never sold."_

"Why would he go there?" I asked.

_"Maybe he's homesick and thinks the ranch will remind him of us. Who knows? Jasper knows where the place is- good luck, Bella."_

"Thanks Alice."

I clicked the phone off and turned to Jasper.

"Alice says that Edward is headed for a ranch outside the city that Esme bought- you know where it is?"

Jasper grinned at me.

"Yeah- I know. Hold on, Bella."

"Why would I wan- holy shit, Jasper!"

The tires screeched as Jasper pulled a u-turn right in the middle of the road, somehow managing to miraculously miss the other vehicles.

He stepped on the gas and we sped down the road in the other direction, the honks of outraged drivers following us as we went.

The ranch had a house that was very similar to the one the Cullens had owned in Forks- except that it was a pale yellow rather than white.

Of course, I didn't notice this until later- all I had eyes for upon our arrival was the silver Volvo sitting in front of it.

"He's here!" I exclaimed.

"So I can see," Jasper replied dryly, pulling up next to it.

He didn't have time to even put the car in park before I had shot out of the door and towards the house.

"I'll just wait out here, then?" Jasper called after me dryly- I didn't deem it necessary to reply. I wouldn't let Jasper rile me now- not when Edward was within reach.

I wrenched the door open, knowing that if I knocked, Edward wouldn't answer.

Entering the house, I listened for any signs of life. I heard the sound of a television from up the steps, and quickly flew up then three at a time, not paying attention to anything but where the sound was coming from. I reached the top of the steps and took a sharp right, heading straight for the second door on the left- the location of the television.

The door was open and the lights in the room were shut off and the blinds drawn- the only light came from the TV on which, to my amusement, _Inuyasha _was flickering.

"Part of me hoped you wouldn't come," Edward's quiet voice stated from where I suspected the bed was located. I heard a quiet click and the television went black.

"And the other part?" I asked, leaning against the frame of the door.

"The other part was waiting for you," he replied. "You're too stubborn for your own good, Isabella Swan."

"Pot calling kettle black," I told him. I felt on the wall until I found the light switch, which I then flicked on.

I had been right- Edward was on the bed. He was sprawled out, managing to look like someone straight out of a magazine even as he blinked at me, trying to adjust to the sudden brightness of the room. His hair was dishevelled and his shirt unbuttoned, leaving his chest bear to my hungry gaze which was taking in all of him. Edward didn't seem to mind- he was doing the same to me now that his eyes had adjusted to the light. He had sat up and was staring at me as I was him.

Neither of us moved or made any sound for a long moment, we just stood there- drinking in the sight of one another.

I was the first to move. I covered the distance between the door and the bed in five quick strides then-

I slapped him as hard as I could across the cheek.

His head snapped to the side so hard that I thought he might get whiplash, but he didn't. He reached up to rub the skin that, had he been human, would have been pink from the force of the blow.

"I suppose I deserved that," he told me softly.

"Yes, you did," I replied- then I grabbed his shirt and pulled his mouth up to mine.

Nearly a month of heartbreak, determination, anger, and love was poured into that kiss. Edward didn't seem to want to end it any more than I did. He wrapped his arms around me and lay back down, taking me with him. His hand tangled in my hair, and my own hands moved up so that I could weave my fingers into his bronze locks. His other arm held me tightly against him, and I felt as if I were where I belonged.

I don't know how long we kissed- it could have been ten minutes, or ten seconds- all I knew was that I was finally with Edward again, and I never wanted to let him go.

"Never again," I told him, gasping for breath when we finally broke apart. "If you _ever_ try to leave me again- you are so dead."

"Never," agreed Edward, just as out of breath. That didn't stop him from pulling me back to him for another kiss, though- and it didn't stop me from letting him. We were vampires- who cared about oxygen? We didn't _actually_ need it.

"I'm so sorry," he murmured into my hair when we broke apart again. "So, so sorry. I'm an idiot Bella- I don't deserve you."

"You have me anyways," I replied fiercely. "And I'm not going to let you go- so you're going to be _keeping_ me."

"I must have done something really good in a past life to have deserved you," he murmured.

It was one of the cheesiest things I had ever heard- yet I loved him even more for it.

"I was thinking you must have kicked a dog," I replied, burying my head in his chest. "After all- I have a bad temper, and I like to hog all the bear, and Alice tells me I whine far too much about shopping."

"You're perfect," Edward replied. "You're Bella, my Bella."

As I lay there in his arms, I felt as if everything was right for the first time since I had been turned.

**_A/N2: Usually I just have them at the start of the chapter, but this one's important. I'm thinking about writing a sequel. It will be called _Shadow Rising_ and will take place in Italy. If you like this idea and have any ideas for it, or if you have an idea for a different sequel story line please tell me in a review. Thanks!_**


	19. Eternity

_**A/N: I have a hockey tournament tomorrow, so I won't be able to update- so I decided to do two tonight, so that no one can get mad at me. Thanks to those who have reviewed, and those who will. Please enjoy:**_

_Eighteen. Eternity_

Edward and I had lain on the bed for quite a while when I broke the comfortable silence between us.

"_Inuyasha_?" I asked, having to know the story behind _that_ little scene. "I mean, I personally love the show. But _Inuyasha_?"

"It reminded me of you," Edward admitted softly. "I _know_ how much you like it. I still think it's kind of dumb," he assured me, causing me to huff and pout, which Edward immediately kissed away before continuing. "But… I really missed you Bella. I even began hunting bear- just because I knew that you like it."

I looked up into his topaz eyes, reaching up to trace his features softly with my fingers.

"Why didn't you come back?" I asked. "If you missed me so much, why didn't you just turn around and come back. It would have saved us both a lot of pain."

"I didn't think I deserved you," he replied. "I still don't- but you seem determined to have me… and I'm not so selfless as to let you go when you're holding on."

"You are a masochist, Edward Cullen," I informed him.

"Only when it comes to you," he replied. "I tend to avoid pain otherwise."

I shook my head at him, amusement clouding my features. Edward gave a crooked grin and claimed my lips again. I ran my fingers through his hair as his explored my curves.

"As lovely as this is- could you save the hanky panky until we get home? I miss my wife."

I broke away from Edward to glare at Jasper who stood against the doorframe watching us with unhidden amusement.

"Go away," I told him.

"You don't feel nearly so frustrated," he told me. "So am I coming in for the aftermath or wh-" He was cut off from continuing when I threw a book and hit him in the forehead. "Dammit Bella- that hurt!"

"That was the point," I replied dryly. "But I suppose you're right- we should go home."

"I don't suppose I could convince you to just stay with me here, could I?" Edward murmured in my ear.

"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not dumb Edward- you just don't want to face Rosalie's wrath."

"You're right- I really don't," he agreed.

"Sorry- I've forgiven you, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to let you off the hook from Rose. She promised to hit you for me."

"They've been calling you the 'Idiot' for a couple of weeks now," added Jasper helpfully. Edward looked at me with raised eyebrows. I shrugged unapologetically.

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," I replied.

"I didn't scorn you," Edward replied indignantly.

"Edward, I tackled you for the soul purpose of confessing my undying love to you, you kissed me- a very good kiss by the way- and yet you left. I think that counts as scorn," I informed him.

"I thought I was doing what was best for you!"

Before I could reply, Jasper interrupted smoothly.

"Edward- the woman is always right. Trust me and remember that. It's what's kept the peace in our house this far- please don't ruin that by trying to argue. No matter what happens- _you'll be wrong_."

Edward sighed and gave me another crooked grin.

"I'll make up for… _scorning_ you Bella," he told me. "No matter how long it takes me."

"That works for me," I replied, holding out my hand. "After all, you have eternity to do it."

Edward squeezed my hand tightly.

"Eternity… I like the sound of that."

Jasper had asked me to leave for a short while so that he could talk with Edward privately for a moment. I knew that by talking, he probably meant that he had to do something violent, but there was still some left over bitterness in me, so I agreed, going outside and getting in the Volvo.

When the two finally joined me, they were both rather dishevelled- though Edward seemed to be the worse off.

Jasper had agreed to drive the Mercedes back to Denali himself, leaving Edward and I to drive back together in the Volvo. We had a lot to work out, and I hoped that we could make a start on the drive back to our family.

"What have you been doing since you left?" I asked him.

"Not much," he replied. I stayed silent, waiting for him continue.

He didn't.

"Edward- let's try this again. We have some things to work out, and to do that, we need to talk. So, I ask what you've been doing and you…" I motioned for him to fill in the blank

"Say not much," he shot back with a grin. At my deadly his grin faded and he eyed me nervously, continuing. "Sorry- just joking. I moped- a lot. I thought about how it wasn't fair. The one person in over a hundred years of existing that I could love, and she was the one that _should've_ hated me."

"But I didn't," I pointed out.

"I thought it was only a matter of time before you did," he replied. "I mean- how _could_ you love me. I had dam-"

"Edward, if you say the word _damned_, the slap I gave you before will seem like a lover's caress," I promised him. "We're not damned- not unless you believe we are, then you've damned yourself."

"That's an interesting philosophy," he commented.

"It's what I believe," I told him adamantly. "And I won't let you damn yourself."

He grasped my hand and squeezed it tightly in reply.

"So… what did Jasper want to _talk_ to you about?" I asked.

"Guy stuff," Edward replied quickly. "Although he did let slip that you let down your block against him. When can I look forward to you doing that for me?"

"Let's try never and go from there," I replied. "It's one thing for Jasper to be able to tell what I'm feeling- it's an entirely different thing for my _boyfriend_ to be able to read my mind. A girl is allowed _some_ privacy."

"Is that what I am?" he asked.

"What?"

"Your boyfriend- is that what I am?" he asked.

"You better be after everything I went through to find you," I replied. "This last month has been one of the hardest of my _life_. It was even worse than when Renee sent me to fat camp when I was eight."

I felt mortified when I saw Edward's incredulous look and realized what I had just told him.

"Oh God- you _weren't_ supposed to know about that," I told him, my voice muffled by my hands, which I had used to cover my face.

"You can't say something like that and not explain," Edward told me, using one hand to pull mine away from my face. "And please don't cover your face- after being without it so long, I can't bear to not be able to see it."

"I was a bit podgy as a kid, okay?" I replied, still mortified. "I went to fat camp one year, it didn't work. A few years later I hit puberty, had a growth spurt and slimmed down. End of story."

Edward didn't reply for a long while. I peaked at him between a gap between my fingers. He had an odd half smile on his face as he alternated between watching the road and glancing at me.

"What?" I asked. "What's with the look on your face."

He shrugged.

"I was just thinking that you were probably a cute kid," he replied.

"I was fat," I replied, my voice a deadpan. "How _cute_ could I have been?"

"Well- you're very beautiful now, so how _not_ cute could you have been?"

I glanced away, thankful I was unable to blush. I was still embarrassed by my accidental slip-up.

"I spoke with a lisp when I was little," he told me at last, sighing slightly. "Until I was twelve and grew out of it. I don't remember much about my human life- but I _do_ remember that. We all have childhood… faults that we're embarrassed by."

That made me feel a bit better, and I managed to continue to talk with Edward without any further mortification.

It was only later that I realized he hadn't _actually_ told me whether or not he was my boyfriend.

"Bella, Jasper! You're back!" Rosalie was the first to greet us, rather uncharacteristically. It was soon revealed why when her hand, bunched tightly into a fist, met with Edward's nose.

"Urgh!" he groaned, reeling back. "Nice to see you too, Rose."

I didn't know whether to worry about him, or to laugh. I decided to do both- giggling even as a pulled his hand away from his nose to make sure there was no damage.

"You find this funny, do you?" he asked.

"Kind of," I replied. "Besides- I _did_ warn you. Remember before we left?"

Edward just grumbled under his breath. I laughed again and went up on tippy-toes to kiss him.

"You're an idiot for leaving," Rose told him bluntly.

"So I've been told. Is everyone in this family going to hit me before the day is done?" he asked the air.

"So Jasper _did_ hit you… interesting," I mused.

"As if you didn't know that already," Edward pointed out as Jasper chuckled.

"Well… I thought he probably had- but you can never be sure."

"I _was_ going to give you a smack… but obviously Rose beat me to it," laughed Alice, as she danced up to hug me hello. She gave Edward a dark glare, which caused Edward to mutter even more, before attaching herself to Jasper and giving him a hello kiss.

I didn't have time to say anything to Alice before Emmett had me enveloped in one of the bear hugs that he seemed so fond of.

"I see you managed to bring him back," he murmured in my ear.

"And he didn't even scream," I replied. "It's good to see you too, Emmett… but I would like to be able to breathe again."

"Oh, sorry Bella."

He set me back down and I grinned at him. He looked to Edward, his eyes becoming severe.

"It's good to have you back Edward… but we'll be having a talk some time in the near future."

"Jasper already gave him one," I commented dryly as Edward said, "I look forward to it."

"Well… that was Jasper, this is me," Emmett told me. "I look forward to it as well."

Carlisle and Esme were the last to join our group. Esme grabbed Edward in a tight hug.

"Don't you _ever_ do that again," she told him, her voice fierce. "It's not polite- and you had me worried."

"Sorry, Mom," replied Edward sheepishly.

"Thank-you for bringing him back," Esme told me, hugging me as tightly as she had Edward.

"It was my pleasure," I replied, thinking of the kisses he had given me before Jasper had interrupted us, and wondering when we could get away from the rest of the family.

"We should head back in," Carlisle said, looking at Edward, who nodded. Carlisle had obviously said something to him by thoughts. "The others are waiting for us inside."

The Denali coven welcomed us back warmly, although Tanya _did_ give Edward a smack upside the head for being such a _'idiotic, masochistic dolt!'_.

If I had had my way, I would have stolen Edward away after that to have him to myself- but sadly Carlisle and Emmett claimed his attention instead. I spent the time without him talking to Rosalie and Alice about what had happened since we had left.

"We found a house," Rose told me.

"Really? Where?" I asked.

"It's a pretty big place with an ocean view on the southern coast of B.C," replied Alice. "Esme is really looking forward to recreating it- that _is_ her passion."

I nodded, remembering looking at photos of the many homes that Esme had restored over the years. They were all very large and very beautiful.

"Well… from what I saw of the ranch, it was very lovely," I told them.

"Esme will be glad to know you approve- she's always had a soft spot for that house."

Besides finding a house, not much of interest had happened. They had gone shopping, and had the necessary papers made for our new home, but other than that they had just been waiting for us to return.

"Well Bella," said a very smug Emmett, entering the living room. "You can have Edward back now."

I looked at Alice and Rose who motioned for me to go.

"I'll talk to you guys later," I told them. Without waiting for an answer, I shot out of the room and up the steps to the room that Edward once again inhabited.

Tanya had repaired all the damage I had done, and it was as good as new. Better, really- because now there was a bronze-haired God lying on the bed.

"You really managed to wiggle your way into all our hearts," Edward told me, motioning for me to join him. I sat on the edge of the bed, but that wasn't good enough for Edward. He grasped my arm and pulled me so that I was lying in his arms. "Especially mine."

"I have that affect on people," I replied impishly. "I'm very lovable. You never told me whether or not you were my boyfriend."

"I thought we were more than that… but I suppose 'boyfriend' is as close to a title as there really is."

"Oh, that's good. I thought you were going to say something silly and I would have to hit you again. I really didn't want to do that- you've taken enough abuse for the day."

Edward laughed softly, and leaned down to wipe the grin off my face with a kiss.

"You're very good at that," I told him.

"What?"

"The whole kissing thing- do you have a lot of experience?"

"Before you? None," he replied, leaning down to kiss me again. "Maybe I'm just a natural."

"Kiss me again and I'll let you know," I told him. He did just that, and I pretended to look thoughtful.

"I don't know… I think I've had better," seeing his struck look, I was quick to add, "kidding. I've never really had a boyfriend before- at least not one that made it to the kissing stage… or even the second date stage come to think of it. You're my first and only."

"I'm glad," he told me. "I know it's possessive, but I'm glad that I'm the only man you've ever been with."

"And you'll always be the only one," I assured him.

"For all eternity?" he asked.

"For all eternity," I assured him. I had to agree with what he said earlier.

I like the sound of eternity.

**_A/N2: I wanted to give a bit more info about my idea for a sequel. I figure that Carlisle will probably tell the Volturi about Bella since they _are_ his friends. My idea is that they ask him to bring his family to Volterra so they can meet the latest addition and Carlisle agrees. From there, everything in Bella's life gets messed up- as usual. She's stuck in a rivalry between Edward and Felix, and gets caught up in the forbidden relationship between Aro's protégé and a jaded werewolf kept in the dungeons of the Volturi stronghold. What do you think?_**


	20. Epilogue The Start of Forever

_**A/N: Well- I got home from hockey earlier than I thought, so I decided to post this. It's really just to set the stage for the sequel- which will be up as soon as I start writing it. I wanted this to be fluffier, but sadly life doesn't turn out that way. It's been a wild ride. Please enjoy the final chapter…er- epilogue:**_

_Epilogue- The Start of Forever_

Three days after Jasper and I returned with Edward, we took our leave of the Denali coven. I had to admit I would miss them- Tanya especially.

"You'll have to call me whenever you can- and e-mail me weekly," she ordered me. "Alice promised she would make sure that you were kept fashionable, so I'm not worried about that- but I want you to promise to keep Edward in line. Don't let him go running off again."

I heard Edward huff angrily from where he stood next to his Volvo. We hadn't been more than a meter or two apart since he had come back, so he could easily overhear Tanya's remark- which was probably why she had said it.

"Don't worry," I assured her, giving her a hug. "I don't plan on letting him go any time soon."

"Good- because you two make a _really _cute couple," she told me, returning the hug. She then turned her gaze to Edward, who was smiling smugly. "Don't let that remark go to your head- Bella is just pretty enough to make up for your faults."

Edward rolled his eyes.

"Good-bye to you too, Tanya," he said dryly.

"Oh, give me a hug you overgrown puppy," she said, pulling him into a hug. Edward gave a suffering sigh, for which he received a smack, and patted her on the back.

"Are you guys ready to head her?" asked Jasper, helping Emmett carry out the last of Rosalie's bags.

"As ready as we'll ever be," I replied, twirling my keys around my finger.

"Can't you let Jasper drive your truck?" asked Edward almost petulantly. He had been trying to convince me to ride with him since we had learned of our new home.

"After that stunt he pulled in Chicago with the Mercedes?" I asked incredulously, giving a unbelieving snort. "Not likely."

"It was perfectly safe," Jasper informed me. "I knew exactly what I was doing- besides, it's not like it would have killed us."

"What about all the _other_ people on the road?" I demanded. "They don't have the pleasure of being an undestroyable vampire."

"I don't think _undestroyable_ is even a word," Jasper mused.

"It is if I say it is," I retorted. "Which I do."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is."

"No."

"Yes."

"I'm getting a strange sense of déjà vu," he said.

"I am too," I agreed. "I think you're right- I _do_ bring out the brat in you."

The others looked between the two of us, completely confused.

"You had to be there," I told them. "We had an argument similar to this on the way to Chicago. I'm not even sure what it was about anymore."

"Apparently I was being a pervert, and we were arguing about whether or not you _really_ had to hit me as hard as you did."

"Oh… yeah. How did you remember that?"

Jasper shrugged.

"Photographic memory," he replied tapping his skull.

Alice snorted.

"For useless information- when it comes to important stuff, you would forget your head if it weren't attached to your shoulders."

Jasper began to argue, and the soon the two were oblivious to the rest of the world- arguing as only a couple that had decades of marriage under their belts could. I shot a look at Edward, wondering if we would someday reach that point. As if he could read my mind (which he couldn't- I made sure of that!), his eyes turned to me and he gave me a soft smile.

"Are you sure you don't want to ride with me?" he asked, moving so that he could hold me in his arms and give me a long, slow kiss- something he had enjoyed doing lately.

Alice ended up receiving the keys to the Tacoma.

The house Esme had chosen was lovely. I enjoyed watching it become a work of art beneath Esme's skilful hand. It was in a beautiful forest in the mountains. It may not have been as warm as I would have liked, but the scenery- and Edward- made up for that.

My relationship with Edward grew and progressed as the days went on. After a month, we even shared a room. I found myself falling more and more in love with him every day we were together.

We hadn't finished the school year in Forks, but none of the others really wanted to return. Still, Edward was determined that I get my (first) high school diploma, so I managed to get into my required courses on the Internet. I was getting better and better at control, but I wasn't quite comfortable enough for high school yet. All that warm blood- the thought of what I could do made me shiver.

Life was perfect- or at least as perfect as it could get. Sadly, it couldn't stay that way forever- eventually something would happen to take you off of cloud nine.

In my case, that 'something' came in the form of a letter addressed to Carlisle from Italy two months after we left Denali. It requested the presence of him and his family in the city of Volterra, so that they could meet the newest addition to his coven.

It was signed Aro of the Volturi.

**_A/N2: The sequel may take a bit to get up, but I do plan on writing a one-shot side story full of E/B fluffiness which will be called _One Night_, and two-shot about Jasper and Emmett's "talks" with Edward, which will be titled _Brothers_. I'm not sure when they'll get posted, but I really want to right them (especially the two-shot). Thanks to everyone who stuck it out with me, and I hope you'll return for the side-stories and, of course, _Shadow Rising**


	21. Play List

**_Here are some of the songs that inspired Moonlight Sonata and helped me keep writing. Some of them don't even have much to do with the plot, but they still somehow gave me ideas… I'm odd like that. I got the entire idea while listening to _Animal I Have Become_. You gotta love Three Days Grace._**

_**Play List**_

Animal I Have Become- Three Days Grace

Landing in London (All I Think About Is You)- Three Doors Down

Wreck of the Day- Anna Nalick

Catalyst- Anna Nalick

Time of Dying- Three Days Grace

Somebody Save Me- "Smallville" Theme

Keep Holding On- Avril Lavigne

My Hero- Foo Fighters

Iris- Goo Goo Dolls

The Best of You- Foo Fighters

Paralyzer- Finger Eleven

You Found Me- Kelly Clarkson

Impossible- Joe Nichols

Chasing Cars- Snow Patrol

Never Too Late- Three Days Grace

Far Away- Nickelback

I Swear- John Michael Montgomery

Hurt- Johnny Cash

Fall Into Me- Emerson Drive

Africa- Toto (don't ask, really, don't)

Rooftops (A Liberation Broadcast)- Lost Prophets

Through Glass- Stonesour

Are You Happy Now- Michelle Branch

Hello Lonely (Walk Away From This)- Theory of a Deadman

Secret to My Success- Poverty Plainsmen

Lessons Learned- Carrie Underwood

Don't Tell Me- Madonna

Right Here- Edwin


End file.
